WOW...over a year...

I have been gone for a VERY long time...That is CRAZY considering I used to write almost every day.

Many things have happened since last I was here...the largest thing...I suffered a band slip.

Band Slip

Those are two very scary words in the lap band community...BAND SLIP...BAND PROLAPSE...never google either of these terms...I had what they called a Grade 1 slip...which basically means that when you look at at your band under fluoroscope instead of it being at an angle it is straight across...This makes some very weird shit occur. For instance, I would eat a meal and it would be fine...Then a few hours later I would feel like I had a "stuck"..some from a meal prior to my most recent once would come up...The next time I couldn't even get a protein shake down...It SUCKED.

I say don't google because you will feel horrible about yourself...My slip was caused by a skin from a popcorn kernel got stuck...My body fought for about 14 hours to get it out before all hell broke loose...Most slips are caused by overeating...The systematic abuse of your band will cause a portion of your lower stomach to come above the band...This was NOT what happened to me, but that is how everyone made me feel.

To cure a slip, the first step is to remove all the liquid from your band...if that doesn't work that they will have to go in and "unbuckle" the band...the theory is like a "watch band" when it gets pushed up your arm by unbuckling it will move back into the correct position...Luckily for me, simply draining my band did the trick...So, after they determine that your band is back where it should go they start to slowly refill you. I went from 5ccs to 0ccs. When I started getting fills I got 1cc at first...the doc wanted to go very slowly...I got .25ccs every 4-6 weeks...it took FOREVER to get even the tiniest bit of restriction... After 8 months and gaining 47 pounds I finally got a bit of restriction...But my spirit was broken...

The day of my band slip I weight 230.8 pounds...just .2 pounds away from losing that prized 100 pounds...Going from decent restriction to N-O-T-H-I-N-G f-ed everything up. Over the course of the following year I gained back more that 50% of what I had lost...I topped out at 288 pounds...That is only 42.6 pounds down from where I started (330.6).

It took me a long while to get my shit back in order. I found a new endocrinologist and got back on Metformin (to treat PCOS). I am re-focused and trying to not let the stress of moving and building a new house stress me out....Granted, that is easier said than done...I have managed to lose 14 pounds in 6 weeks...I am getting back to running and my goal is to get down to 245 by the time we move into our new house...I am hoping I can use my motivation and goal to keep my sanity over the next 3 months.

I don't know if I can do it, but I am sure as hell going to try!!!

Peeves, Pleasures, Pressures, and Plans...

I fully plan to address them in that order...

Peeves:

The street sign you see above is a flippin' J-O-K-E!!! There is one just up the street from my house where the county put in a oh so lovely crosswalk. Firstly, the crosswalk is in a very DUMB place. It is just down from the top of a hill that people FLY over. My street is a major cut though street for about three subdivision to get to a highway AND a grocery shopping center. The speed limit (yeah...like that is enforced) is supposed to be 25 MPH and most people do about...oh I would say...40 MPH. My kids are NOT allowed to play out front without an adult for this very reason!

Any ways on to my peeve..NO ONE EVER STOPS! I could be like halfway though the the "cross walk" during my runs and it is more like a game of "Pedestrian Hit and Run" then "Hey, I should be safe I am in a frickin' cross walk." The only vehicle that has EVER stopped for me is a UPS truck..which I personally find ironic...Everyone else blows though...I cross the street at a sprint when I have almost nothing left with my eyes up the hill hoping I don't have to dive onto the concrete patch that is the sidewalk on the other side...It irritates me every time!!

If you are playing Pedestrian Hit and Run you get negative points for hitting someone in a crosswalk with a "Yield/Stop when occupied" sign...because you are an ass wipe!

Pleasures

Running make me happy....Running makes me feel strong and happy and regulates my hormones. I love that I have logged almost 40 miles so far this month...I challenged myself earlier in the month to see if I could run everyday. I missed a few...and by a few I mean 6 of the last 26 days....But something was different this time. I didn't let the fact that I had broken my streak stop me...Which is new for me...In the past I would "fail" and I couldn't get past it and I would let it completely derail me...Not this time...I even ran with a blister! I LOVES IT!!

Pressures

I am currently in the process of taking the CPA exam. For those of you that don't know how it works there are four parts (five if you count the self study, group, open book ethics thing) each one ranges from three to four hours each and must be past with a 75 or better on a percentile. It is GRUELING!! It has me stressed out!

I also started a new job. I am good at my job...but I feel like I have to PROVE that they made the right choice and they feel like they have to prove to me that they are the right firm for me...there is lots of proving going on at my office...lol

Plans

1) Run everyday
2) Eat right
3) Finish school
4) Pass the exam
5) KICK ASS!!!

No where to hide...This is me!

I thought I would try something a little different. I thought for once I wouldn't hide. For once, I would show the world and myself what I TRULY look like...The progress that I have made.

So with that...

I have spent the last two years trying the change my body. Regardless of how much weight I have lost (85 pounds for those of you who do not keep up with me on Facebook) I see the same thing in the mirror...I see this face...

I still see the jowls and the double chin and ever cell of fat that I have ever had puffed up in my body...

As of this morning...this is what I ACTUALLY look like...

No double chin...no jowls...no longer do I have a round face...even my eyes are slightly different. I look GREAT!! (I still have adorably weird small people though...lol)

I will admit that I hide behind them. I strategically place the people in my life to hide the body that I want to the world to never see...But honestly it isn't the world that I am hiding from. It is me. I don't want to see...

No more...So here goes... I am going to show some photos of the part of me that I love and don't love all at the same time.

#1 - Arms!!

My arms have changed SO much...I mean look at how much I have drooping down in the photo on the right...The worst part to me is that that I could knock down buildings with the movement loose skin when it gets a swinging...and that is what it is. When I was 330 pounds it was fat and skin...now at 245 pounds it is skin...and it moves...and it makes it hard to find shirts with sleeves that fit...I HATE IT!!!

But then look at the left...Look at the curve of my shoulder and the line of my bicep and my tricep...You can SEE the MAJOR muscle definition that I have managed to develop. It makes me so proud and I can't help but find my arms sexy...despite the sag.

#2 - Back!!

 I have had "back fat" since I was a kid...I have always hated it..I have always tried to hide it with sports bras and tank tops and such...I still don't like it...but still I look at these photos and I can't help but notice a few things...first..My arms...as we have already established...are AWESOME...second...look how tiny my waist is compared to my shoulders and my hips...I have an hour glass figure...this is something I have NEVER had before...I used to be a square...This shape helps me pull off the "Fit and Flare" dresses which according to EVERYONE looks good a on very few people..

#3 - Belly

 This is by far my LEAST favorite part of my body...I mean...it is all stretched out and it sags and it is HUGE...at least in my mind...I see the least amount of change in this particular area...I work out daily...Most of them utilize my abs and I know there are there...but you can't see them...Then in the right photo...you can see how HORRIBLE my posture is...What hits me the most is how I still stand like a "fat" person. I still stand like my spine is having to support an additional 80 pounds of adipose tissue...I am going to have to look into how to change this.

Special thanks to my hubby for taking all my photos...he put up with me making him retake them about fifteen times...mainly due to background...My house is a bit of a mess.

One photo that was taken that I have posted yet was the most amusing to me. I wanted to know what it looks like as I so some of my work outs. You know like a push up or a plan or something...I know what it feels like. I can feel the tugging from the excess skin. So here is the photo that my hubby took...

Keep in mind...I am only 50% of the way to my goal...But look at how much loose skin that I have. Don't take this the wrong way...I am by no means embarrassed. I look at this as an accomplishment. I have changed my body to the point that proof can be attained though photos...I can't wait to compare these photo to new photos in a year!

Where there you go...no more hiding...Everything you could ever want to see...or perhaps more than you ever wanted to see... but this is me...this is the progress that I have made. No only physically but mentally. Two years ago, heck one year ago I would NEVER have taken let along posted any of these!

I have been I around...I swear

I can't even begin to count the number of posts I have started and stopped...swore that I was going to come back to and finish later but never did.

It isn't that I have disappeared...I have been posting...somewhat sparingly at times over on my facebook page. which you can find here or at my facebook tabby thing to the right.

I don't know why...but writing a full on blog post just hasn't seemed...achievable lately.

Here is a mini update:

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Updates's Weight (July 17,2014) - 261.2

This Week's Weight - 250.2

Total Weight Loss – 80.4 

Back in October...the last time I had posted my weight was 264.3...so as you can see my weight has bounced around a lot. I went to an Endocrinologist mid-November and was put on Qsymia (a weight loss drug) and Metformin...I don't know HOW they work all I know is that I have lost as much weight in the last 8 weeks as I lost in the first 46 weeks of last year...13 pounds in the 8 weeks I have been on them...I ma WAY more than pleased!!

I can't guarantee when the next time I will post will be...but if you get to missing me...check up on me at FACEBOOK!!

Wow...it has been a while

Disclaimer: My mind is a little scattered today. I apologize in advance for any weirdness or incomplete thoughts contained below

I am still here....I promise!

It seems like every time I think "Oooo I should blog about that..." It just doesn't happen. Something else comes up or I decide that I am too tired or I don't even acknowledge the thought in the first place. I mean this current post is being done only because I am bored and anxious. I am sitting in a "Baby Accounting" class full of Sophomores and not wanting to study for an auditing test that I don't really want to take. The simple fact that I am pretty sure I am going to fail the exam isn't helping matters much.

Random subject change #1

I am starving today...the only bonus is that I am not at home so I can't eat more than what I brought with me. I think this is the strep talking. Or at least my getting over the strep. When I get sick I tend to retain water. It isn't uncommon for me to gain 8-10 pounds over the course of 24 hours. It can be frustrating but when my daughter came down with Strep over the weekend I wasn't exactly surprised when the scale showed a 6 pound gain from Saturday to Sunday. Despite the fact that I was diagnosed with Strep I never really felt like I was sick. I was exhausted and achy but I never had a fever or a sore throat. It didn't stop me from eating but it did prevent me from working out. I made a short walk to the grocery store and felt like I had run a marathon. I was sweaty and clammy and felt HORRIBLE it was only .5 miles one way!!!

Random subject change #2

I got a fill last Friday. It was greatly needed. I hadn't really had any restriction since my unfill in July. It took a few weeks for the irritation in my stomach to go down and then it was like my band was just GONE. I am amazed at how much I forgot in regards to the rules for having a band. I didn't make the right food choices. I didn't chew correctly. I drank side. It was a bad three months! Luckily in that time I didn't gain any weight. I also didn't lose an ounce!!

Random Subject Change #3

Blah....ok I think I am done...hope to check in again soon!!! 

Oh the changes....

It has been FOREVER since I have had a desire to post on here...

That is not to say that little snippits of my life haven't made it out onto the interweb. I utilize facebook A LOT (you can find the link to the right ->)

Anywho...so what has been going on with me?

I came up with a new short term goal for myself.

I want to weigh under 250 pounds by my 30th Birthday!

If I can pull this off I will be around the same weight I was on my 20th birthday will will render my 10 year change curve null and void....which would make me happy!

I would have officially gotten rid of ALL the baby weight from two pregnancies and ten year of being a lazy fat person who tried to convince herself she wasn't lazy OR fat!

I think losing 11.8 pounds in 14 weeks is MORE than doable....I don't want to weigh 250 lbs...I want to be under. This might also sound like a cheater a goal...and easy one to achieve but my weightloss this year hasn't been stellar. On January 1st, 2014 I weighed in at 276.6...Last Friday (8/22/2014) I weighed in at 261.6...That is only 15 pounds for the ENTIRE YEAR. It took me 35 weeks to lost 15 pounds....so my average will not carry me...I will have to work to get this accomplished!

So...I found this great quote on the internet that said.

A goal without a plan is just wish!

I like this....this makes perfect sense...I have talked to people who are like..."I want to lost 40 pounds in _____ time."  I ask them how and they reply. "Meh...It is just my goal."

Well I don't want to WISH to be 11.8 pounds lighter....I am going to do it...and here is my plan!!

Diet:
I have joined WW (Weight Watchers) Online. I know this is just about blasphmey for all of use bandsters out there that have tried this particular diet plan before and have failed...but I have my reasons and they are this:

1. Counting carbs makes me neurotic - I don't eat fruit, beans, corn, peas, tomatoes, or peanut butter because they have carbs. I can't wrap my head around the HUGE impact they have on my carb count for the day. Then...and then I feel GUILTY for eating a piece of watermelon or pineapple...I mean it isn't like I am going out and eating a chocolate cake, or a donut, or a cookie or even a chocolate bar...I am eating F R U I T!!!!....I need balance!
2. Balance - As I stated at the end of #1 I need something that allows me to have a life...I can survive on the low carb/high protien life style just fine...as long as I allow myself to eat things I want like pineapple (can you tell the missing fruit part was getting to me)...But I see all these people doing what I view to be much better than me at the whole losing weight thing and I get all CRAZY about what I am eating...then I get down and eat crap and the cycle continues...I need to find a way to make it stop.
3. WW works for me - When I USE it - I can't stress that last part enough. When I was in high school and I was trying to lose weight seriously for the first time in my entire life...I started on Weight Watchers...back when it was just the points plan. I would weigh in ever Tuesday with my mom and her best friend. I always had Tuesdays off from work and NEVER told anyone why. I managed to lost 26 pounds. Which was 10% of my body weight at the time. I managed to keep that weight off for almost 5 years until I got poor and worked 70 hours a week at McDonald's to pay rent. Then I only lived on McD's food. Gained 20 pounds back...Then I got pregnant. I have tried WW over the years since but I couldn't seem to make myself stick to it. It wasn't that WW failed me it was that I failed me...I didn't keep myself accountable and I didn't let the scale reset my thinking each week. I blamed the system and not the fat chick sneaking french fries and telling herself that if her husband didn't know about them they didn't count...So....

I have learned so much over the last 20 months that I have no doubt I can make it work for me this go around. I am sure that I will have ups and downs but I have learned that quitting because it isn't going fact enough is dumb....because at least it is going!

Exercise - I only have one thing about the WW plans that I dislike...I think WW messes up is the activity. At least for me I always figured that activity was optional. I mean...I could do it when I wanted more activity points so that I could eat more. I was treating myself like a dog. "Good girl, Pumpkin. You went for a walk...now you can have that ice cream cone from McDonald's!"  In general terms that girl doesn't exist any more.  I find being sore and being fitter and being able to make myself go out and run is WAY more of a reward then the ice cream cone or the chips or the popcicle ever were...But anyways...here is my plan for exercise!

Absolute Minimim

1. Run - Monday, Wednesday, Friday
2. Strength - Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday (<- This is typically JM's 30 Day Shred)

Ideal plan

1. Run - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
2. Strength- Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. 

One of the things I have noticed most between the people whom I have watched over the last two years of their Lap-Band journey and myself is the dedication to physical activity...I mean...They do it everyday regardless if they WANT too or not. They just do it! I have NEVER done this and there is no time like the present to make a change.

Be prepared for some honesty!!
The biggest change in my body both shape and size has come from being more physically active!

Watching what and how much I ate keeps the weight coming down and not counter acting all the benefit I have done while running, lifting, dancing, playing. walking, etc.

I am a smaller size then I was in high school despite the fact that I have 30 pounds heavier...I have a waist and "womanly curves"  as my Dad has put it in some very awkward for both of us conversations :)...These are not things I had when I was 18,19,20,21-27...I have pretty much been a shapeless blob who has just gotten bigger and bigger over the years.

In the last three months I have gone down 2 dress sizes but I have only lost about 5 pounds...but my body is changing...this wouldn't be possible with just the band...this is becasue I have been using the band like a tool along with my weights and my treadmill...

Now I am going to stop half assing this process and see what me and Ronney can really do!

Stay tuned!

(Check out my facebook page....I use it A LOT!)

Check in and catch up

I have had a post open and have been working on it for the better part of a week...oh boy...I just can't focus it seems on this whole writing thing....Anywho...lets see how far we get on this one...

I recently bought a new diet buddy...His name is Tom...

He is a jawbone UP24 band. Technically his name is "Jennifer UP Band" but that was before I found out that I couldn't rename my band after I set up my account. So I don't really care what the app says...his name is Tom.

Tom is annoying and is a master of guilt trips...I have no idea what I would do without him in my life.

He vibrates at me when I have been inactive too long...he tells me when it is time to start getting ready for bed so that I can get in bed by 10:30pm. It vibrates at me when it is time to get up...using a smart alarm that goes off during a 20 minutes window when I am in light sleep...it is AWESOME!

He also makes me feel like crap when he send me messages like "I see you have only taken 4,568 steps to day that is only 46% of your goal. You will miss your goal by only 5432. Perhaps tomorrow you can be more active."...See makes you feel like crap!

I weigh in tomorrow so lets see it Tom has helped me at all!