My story of why I ended up crying on the treadmill

That title kinda makes me feel like I am one of those short story authors that don't tell you their new book is actually a collection of short stories....oh wait....I kinda am!

Story #1 - My day to day life with diet haters

Much like the rest of you (if anyone out there still READS this blog) I am on journey. I pretty much NEVER call it a "Diet"...I mean it is a diet in the sense that the definition of diet is  the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats. For me, it is a lifestyle change as cliche as that sounds.

So on to the store of the day...I am not sure how much about me you all know...First, I am an overweight person who had lap-band surgery. With that I live on a high protein diet. Second, I am gluten intolerant. That last part is the one that most people seem to want to guilt me about...which I don't get.

I can't have donuts, pizza, bread, cake, cookies, pies...most things that I don't eat anyways!

When people realize this I typically have this conversation:

T=Them M=Me

T - "So you mean you can't have pizza?"
M - "No, the crust has gluten."
T - "I am so sorry..."
M - "Why?"
T -  "Craving food is the spice of life. It is just so satisfying to eat the foods you want."

Typically by this point I can't help but wonder when I mentioned that I wanted pizza. I used to eat pizza every Friday....I used to love donuts, and cake and cookies, but once I realized that I can't tolerate gluten I realized how SHITTY these food made me feel. After while you don't WANT to eat this stuff.

I miss sandwiches, but not enough that eating the pieces of the sandwich sans the bread won't cure it.

The conversation typically continues with....

T- "I feel so bad for you...I don't think I could do that."
M- "Meh, you get to a point where you don't even want it."
T - "Yeah, keep telling yourself that." (Typically laced with sarcasm)

I had this conversation today with a friend at school. He told me he was having pizza for dinner. I made the mistake of mentioning that I don't eat pizza...Interjected in the conversation above was the explanation that I was having stew (Creamy Beef Stew with mashed cauliflower). It is this BEAUTIFUL stew that it SO satisfying. Chalked full of vegetables and yumminess....SO MUCH BETTER THEN PIZZA. Yet, I am the one being pitied...I find this just as aggravating as when people find out that I have a lap-band and they whip out the "You don't need that...you are perfect the way you are." WTF??

Story #2 - Crying on the treadmill

Again for those of you that know me...I am training for a 5K. I am participating in The Graffiti Run on April 13th. My goal is to be able to run the ENTIRE 3.1 miles. I have been training with the Couch25K program. It is a step by step training program...It is kinda awesome...

Anyways...This last Saturday I completed Week 5 Day 1. That consisted of a 5 min warm up, 8 min job, 5 min walk, 8 min job, and a 5 min cool down....I was SO excited...I made it the first 8 minutes without stopping. I glanced at the next training day. That ridiculous program thought that I could go from barely running 8 minutes to running for 20 minutes non-stop.

Today I walked into the gym today at school. I was fully intending to repeat the last day. I couldn't help but think how ridiculous it was to thing that I...a fat chick weighing in at 277 (at last weigh in) could possibly run for 20 minutes non-stop. I had barely made it 8.

My husband ,while I was ranting about this ridiculous next step, kept telling me that endurance by this point was more about the muscle between my ears and not the ones on my legs. Between him and my test score in cost accounting (I kicked that test ass...I got an 89 when the class average is 72) I decided that I should at least try what was the worst that I could happen...I not make it?

So with my mind set and my music blaring in my ears I started my jog. Pretty soon I was at the 8 minute jogging mark....then 9....then 10...then 15...All the while I had a HUGE grin on my face...I no doubt looked crazy...then the 20 minute mark hit...that is not to say that it was easy...it took a lot of working though the pain and convincing myself not to stop...but I MADE IT!

It was at this point that I started to cry....I was so proud of myself...so overwhelmed with this achievement that tears rolled down my still smiling cheeks. I am fairly certain that no one noticed since I had gallons of sweat running down my face at the same time.

OMG....I...a fat, overweight women who had NEVER run that far or that long in her LIFE successfully ran 20 minutes!

I am tickled....and those are my stories for the day!

Give me a shout out if you are still out there!...Peace and love to all!!

Pain is temporary...Glory is forever!!!!

I got some new ink today....

This is what my arm looked like before....

And this is what it looked like now!

I frickin' love it!!!

It hurt like a bitch...totally worth it...YAY for #8!!!

The weigh in that will never be

Weigh in from February 5th, 2014
Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week’s Weight – 277.2

Today’s Weight – ????

Total Weight Loss – 53.4

I have no idea what I weigh at this point...I have to admit that that fact doesn't bother me.

It has been nice to only worry about hitting my calorie goal and my burn.

To not stress over whether or not the scale is moving....It has been a nice break.

In other news....I am still running. I just completed Day 2 Week 4 of C25K. I am struggling with a weird burning sensation in my calves when I run. I am up to 5 minute jogs...which I haven't celebrated yet since I keep having to stop ever 1.5 minutes for a 7 second stretch of my legs so I can finish. It seems like cheating but at least I don't stop. I take that as quite an achievement...personally.

Work is still WONDERFUL...but challenging both physically and mentally.

School is kicking my ass...

My family is wonderful!

ONWARDS!!!

Oh thank whoever it is that you believe in....

Stepped on the scale this morning...

My weight was down...it was only down .8 but for the first time in a month I didn't gain.

This, by the way, is the last time I am going to weigh in until March 1st.

I have done a lot of thinking...I need to de-stress my life. Since school, family, and work aren't going any where then I am giving up stressing about my weight. I am not going to step on the scale, I am not going to obsess about my calorie burn, I am not going to obsess about what I eat.

Now that I have listed what I am not going to do here is what I AM going to do...

1. I am going to run three days a week and walk the other four.
2. I am going to do a sugar detox and then do my best to avoid sugar
3. I am going to take more time out of my day for my own mental sanity. I can't be there for my kids or my husband if I go nuts

So that is my game plan...I make no promises that I will check in between now and then but worst case scenario I will post again on March 5th! Despite this, I will be keeping up with all of you and I will most likely be updating facebook! See you soon!

Frustration...

I am about to say the most honest statement that I have ever put on this blog:

I am lost!

I have been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds since AUGUST!!!

I had hoped to be down 100 lbs by my band-i-versary, that came and went in December and I was only down 58 pounds. I thought I was on too something at the beginning of January but I have gained for the last 4 weeks in a row. I am now the heaviest I have been since October 1st.

I have been training for my 5K. I have been plagued with injuries but I haven't let them stop me.

I was eating high protein...

All of these mixed together got me nothing.

Tomorrow I am going to have to weigh in again...I FEAR that it will be another gain...I DO NOT want to be back into the 280's.

My surgeon's office tells me the same thing...."Protein Shakes...just drink protein shakes." They don't stress balance, just weight loss.

Man how I wish I could do that. How I WISH I could be content with only drinking liquid anything and never eating food again. That would be awesome. Be like an substance addict and just quit cold turkey, but you can't. If you stop eating you die.

What on earth am I going to do?

Perhaps I need another sugar detox.

I have tired the last two days to stay under 1200 calories...I haven't been able too...there is something wrong with me I swear. Maybe it is too much sugar...or stress....or both!

I don't want to put it off, but I am not sure if I can start a detox right now. I am on an audit this week. That means client meetings and eating out (not allowed to eat at the clients office). How do you tell the people that will decide your fate with the company that you don't want to have lunch with them? How to make a decision to eat only protein at any restaurant they may choose for lunch. Perhaps I need to stop being afraid and do what is best for me??

*SIGH*