Thursday, October 2, 2014 has been a while

Disclaimer: My mind is a little scattered today. I apologize in advance for any weirdness or incomplete thoughts contained below

I am still here....I promise!

It seems like every time I think "Oooo I should blog about that..." It just doesn't happen. Something else comes up or I decide that I am too tired or I don't even acknowledge the thought in the first place. I mean this current post is being done only because I am bored and anxious. I am sitting in a "Baby Accounting" class full of Sophomores and not wanting to study for an auditing test that I don't really want to take. The simple fact that I am pretty sure I am going to fail the exam isn't helping matters much.

Random subject change #1

I am starving today...the only bonus is that I am not at home so I can't eat more than what I brought with me. I think this is the strep talking. Or at least my getting over the strep. When I get sick I tend to retain water. It isn't uncommon for me to gain 8-10 pounds over the course of 24 hours. It can be frustrating but when my daughter came down with Strep over the weekend I wasn't exactly surprised when the scale showed a 6 pound gain from Saturday to Sunday. Despite the fact that I was diagnosed with Strep I never really felt like I was sick. I was exhausted and achy but I never had a fever or a sore throat. It didn't stop me from eating but it did prevent me from working out. I made a short walk to the grocery store and felt like I had run a marathon. I was sweaty and clammy and felt HORRIBLE it was only .5 miles one way!!!

Random subject change #2

I got a fill last Friday. It was greatly needed. I hadn't really had any restriction since my unfill in July. It took a few weeks for the irritation in my stomach to go down and then it was like my band was just GONE. I am amazed at how much I forgot in regards to the rules for having a band. I didn't make the right food choices. I didn't chew correctly. I drank side. It was a bad three months! Luckily in that time I didn't gain any weight. I also didn't lose an ounce!!

Random Subject Change #3

Blah....ok I think I am done...hope to check in again soon!!! 

Monday, August 25, 2014

Oh the changes....

It has been FOREVER since I have had a desire to post on here...

That is not to say that little snippits of my life haven't made it out onto the interweb. I utilize facebook A LOT (you can find the link to the right ->) what has been going on with me?

I came up with a new short term goal for myself.

I want to weigh under 250 pounds by my 30th Birthday!

If I can pull this off I will be around the same weight I was on my 20th birthday will will render my 10 year change curve null and void....which would make me happy!

I would have officially gotten rid of ALL the baby weight from two pregnancies and ten year of being a lazy fat person who tried to convince herself she wasn't lazy OR fat!

I think losing 11.8 pounds in 14 weeks is MORE than doable....I don't want to weigh 250 lbs...I want to be under. This might also sound like a cheater a goal...and easy one to achieve but my weightloss this year hasn't been stellar. On January 1st, 2014 I weighed in at 276.6...Last Friday (8/22/2014) I weighed in at 261.6...That is only 15 pounds for the ENTIRE YEAR. It took me 35 weeks to lost 15 my average will not carry me...I will have to work to get this accomplished!

So...I found this great quote on the internet that said.

A goal without a plan is just wish!

I like this....this makes perfect sense...I have talked to people who are like..."I want to lost 40 pounds in _____ time."  I ask them how and they reply. "Meh...It is just my goal."

Well I don't want to WISH to be 11.8 pounds lighter....I am going to do it...and here is my plan!!

I have joined WW (Weight Watchers) Online. I know this is just about blasphmey for all of use bandsters out there that have tried this particular diet plan before and have failed...but I have my reasons and they are this:
  1. Counting carbs makes me neurotic - I don't eat fruit, beans, corn, peas, tomatoes, or peanut butter because they have carbs. I can't wrap my head around the HUGE impact they have on my carb count for the day. Then...and then I feel GUILTY for eating a piece of watermelon or pineapple...I mean it isn't like I am going out and eating a chocolate cake, or a donut, or a cookie or even a chocolate bar...I am eating F R U I T!!!!....I need balance!
  2. Balance - As I stated at the end of #1 I need something that allows me to have a life...I can survive on the low carb/high protien life style just long as I allow myself to eat things I want like pineapple (can you tell the missing fruit part was getting to me)...But I see all these people doing what I view to be much better than me at the whole losing weight thing and I get all CRAZY about what I am eating...then I get down and eat crap and the cycle continues...I need to find a way to make it stop.
  3. WW works for me - When I USE it - I can't stress that last part enough. When I was in high school and I was trying to lose weight seriously for the first time in my entire life...I started on Weight Watchers...back when it was just the points plan. I would weigh in ever Tuesday with my mom and her best friend. I always had Tuesdays off from work and NEVER told anyone why. I managed to lost 26 pounds. Which was 10% of my body weight at the time. I managed to keep that weight off for almost 5 years until I got poor and worked 70 hours a week at McDonald's to pay rent. Then I only lived on McD's food. Gained 20 pounds back...Then I got pregnant. I have tried WW over the years since but I couldn't seem to make myself stick to it. It wasn't that WW failed me it was that I failed me...I didn't keep myself accountable and I didn't let the scale reset my thinking each week. I blamed the system and not the fat chick sneaking french fries and telling herself that if her husband didn't know about them they didn't count...So....
I have learned so much over the last 20 months that I have no doubt I can make it work for me this go around. I am sure that I will have ups and downs but I have learned that quitting because it isn't going fact enough is dumb....because at least it is going!

Exercise - I only have one thing about the WW plans that I dislike...I think WW messes up is the activity. At least for me I always figured that activity was optional. I mean...I could do it when I wanted more activity points so that I could eat more. I was treating myself like a dog. "Good girl, Pumpkin. You went for a you can have that ice cream cone from McDonald's!"  In general terms that girl doesn't exist any more.  I find being sore and being fitter and being able to make myself go out and run is WAY more of a reward then the ice cream cone or the chips or the popcicle ever were...But is my plan for exercise!

Absolute Minimim
  1. Run - Monday, Wednesday, Friday
  2. Strength - Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday (<- This is typically JM's 30 Day Shred)

Ideal plan
  1. Run - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
  2. Strength- Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. 

One of the things I have noticed most between the people whom I have watched over the last two years of their Lap-Band journey and myself is the dedication to physical activity...I mean...They do it everyday regardless if they WANT too or not. They just do it! I have NEVER done this and there is no time like the present to make a change.

Be prepared for some honesty!!
The biggest change in my body both shape and size has come from being more physically active!

Watching what and how much I ate keeps the weight coming down and not counter acting all the benefit I have done while running, lifting, dancing, playing. walking, etc.

I am a smaller size then I was in high school despite the fact that I have 30 pounds heavier...I have a waist and "womanly curves"  as my Dad has put it in some very awkward for both of us conversations :)...These are not things I had when I was 18,19,20,21-27...I have pretty much been a shapeless blob who has just gotten bigger and bigger over the years.

In the last three months I have gone down 2 dress sizes but I have only lost about 5 pounds...but my body is changing...this wouldn't be possible with just the band...this is becasue I have been using the band like a tool along with my weights and my treadmill...

Now I am going to stop half assing this process and see what me and Ronney can really do!

Stay tuned!

(Check out my facebook page....I use it A LOT!)

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Check in and catch up

I have had a post open and have been working on it for the better part of a week...oh boy...I just can't focus it seems on this whole writing thing....Anywho...lets see how far we get on this one...

I recently bought a new diet buddy...His name is Tom...

He is a jawbone UP24 band. Technically his name is "Jennifer UP Band" but that was before I found out that I couldn't rename my band after I set up my account. So I don't really care what the app says...his name is Tom.

Tom is annoying and is a master of guilt trips...I have no idea what I would do without him in my life.

He vibrates at me when I have been inactive too long...he tells me when it is time to start getting ready for bed so that I can get in bed by 10:30pm. It vibrates at me when it is time to get up...using a smart alarm that goes off during a 20 minutes window when I am in light is AWESOME!

He also makes me feel like crap when he send me messages like "I see you have only taken 4,568 steps to day that is only 46% of your goal. You will miss your goal by only 5432. Perhaps tomorrow you can be more active."...See makes you feel like crap!

I weigh in tomorrow so lets see it Tom has helped me at all!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Today, I love my jiggly wiggle bits!

Getting ready to take a shower this morning...standing naked in the bathroom I typically find myself avoiding looking in the mirror at all cost.

This is simply because there is this mean, thin girl that lives in my head that think I suck. That I am ulgy, fat, and worthless. 

I don't like her!

She is mean...she just sit up there and makes me feel like crap all the while she doesn't do anything. She doesn't even clean up my house or help cook meals or anything...I mean she doesn't even break out a stipper pole...she is useless...yet I let her make me feel like crap.

Today my shower started off differently. I looked in the mirror and simply ignored the bitch in my head. Stepping out and getting dressed I put on this dress that my daughter made me buy. It is tan and black zebra print...She LOVES tacky animal print. What I love about the dress is that it is an XL...not a 1X and XL from the normal size people department. 

Wouldn't you know it...I feel AMAZING in this dress...It is just a simple dress...nothing too special about it...but still!

Had to take photo to remember how great about myself I feel!
Wore my hair all curly....
I let my wiggly jiggly bat wings hang out...
I marveled at how much smaller my fat belly overhang is now...
At how much smaller my hips are...
At the muscle definition that I am getting in my arms and legs despite the loose skin...

You know what I did...I crammed an imaginary donut into that skinny bitch's face (her name is Brittany in case you were wondering ) and watched her writhe in pain from the gluten!...

Ok, now I am worrying about my sanity!

Perhaps I should call it a night and hope that my new found appreciation for my wiggles and jiggles last though the night!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Post 2 of 2 in the same day (The Rant)!

I didn't want to post my philosophical rants along with my weigh in. There is just something...weird about that for me...Don't know why...Call it a quirk!

Tomorrow my daughter has a birthday party to go to. It is a party for her cousin. My beautiful niece turned 6 today. She is having a spa party for some friends and my daughter is included.

The only problem is that L is Gluten Free...her friend's parent typically make arrangements for her so that she can participate. However, my family is clueless. My mother in law on more than one occasion has given L stuff she shouldn't and most of the time they try and make me feel like I and the one that is being ridiculous when I call them out over it.

*Disclaimer: Family if you are reading this and think that I am reading the situation wrong feel free to contact me in a civilized fashion and we can discuss it. If I get an irate phone call it won't end well for either of us. This blog is about me...not you!

My sister in law (not the one having the party) doesn't eat gluten and everyone seems to respect this, but not when it involves L and me. It is flat out STUPID.

Anyways, I purchased gluten free bread (wasn't feeling up to digging out the bread maker) and made L some pb&j finger sandwiches and made a gluten free chocolate chip cookie since my niece doesn't like cake and will be having a cookie cake at her party. I want her to have fun but eating gluten royally f-ups  her entire day/week/month/life!

We don't have Celiacs...L's best friend does...but we don't...we have gluten intolerance...that means we are ALLERGIC to it...and hence shouldn't eat it...It won't kill us, but it still hurts us.

After the party she is going to spend the night at her besty's house...I can take a deep breath once she goes over there. A and her mom both have Celiacs which means they have a gluten free house. It is the same reason why T feels comfortable bringing her daughter over to my house. It is a safe zone. I don't have to worry about people knowing that pretzels do in fact have gluten (which is something I have had to explain to family before). It is....nice!

Don't get me wrong I love my friends they try their best and I appreciate it!...It is my family that drives me nuts...It isn't even MY family it is my HUSBAND's family. I love them but they drive me crazy!


Post 1 of 2 in the same day!

Went on vacation...

According to my scale I gained 6 pounds...Managed to get 4 of them off within two days of coming home....Down another pound from yesterday to today...I knew this would happen...Wasn't surprised. I am pretty sure that by the time Wednesday comes around I will be back where I was. Kinda hate the random gains you can have even when you are expecting them...

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week's Weight - 257.6

This Week's Weight - 261.2

Total Weight Loss – 69.4

See...I didn't even post my AWESOME weight loss the week before I went to my Mom's house. I lost 3.4 pounds in a single week. My goal is to get back down to that by next week!


Back to planning and plotting my next week!

Monday, July 7, 2014

You know what...I am done!

I have been struggling with my fill level for a few weeks now.

Today is just RIDICULOUS!

I haven't successfully eaten ANYTHING today.

I drank a nectar shake so at least I have gotten 40 grams of protein today.

I called my surgical center today to see if they could get me in for an unfill.

I have started to realize that I took for granted how easy it was for me to get into see them in the past.

There patient list has grown A LOT since December of 2012!

They were able squeeze me in on Thursday.

Which is good...since I am going to Denver on Friday and was getting to the point that I was pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to eat the ENTIRE time I was gone.

Like I said...I am done with this .2 ccs!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Three words for you....Paleo Breakfast Cookies


I LOVE this blog called Gluten Free on a Shoe String

It gives some AMAZING recipies. She even capitalizes on it and has a cookbook.

One of the recipies that I found was the "Paleo Breakfast Cookie"

I am not a paleo person.

I LOVE dairy products....

I enjoy taking advantage of paleo since it is gluten free by default!

Being the total cooking/baking nerd that I am...the ONLY thing I didn't have in my pantry was the coconut flakes. This is fine...While I LOVE coconut it doesn't have all that much nutritional stuff that I worry about. I substituted it for chia seeds. Not flavor equivalent, but nutritionally sound!

Anyways...I have been struggling with finding something easy and tasty to have for breakfast. I don't have the time to make a complex meal before I leave for work. Most of the time I have a HARD time eating anything more textured then soft.

So these cookies...are AMAZING...They are also tasty!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

May 28th Weight - 261.6

June 25th Weight (Last Week) - 262

This Week's Weight (Yesterday) - 260.8

Total Weight Loss – 69.8

As you might have noticed I have weighed in two weeks in a row. I have decided that while the monthly weigh ins have helped me with the stress I place on myself they are NOT helping with the accountability. I sit around all month saying "Oh, weigh in is XX days a way I can have the ice cream." Then when it is a week away I BUST MY ASS to get caught back up.

So back to weekly we go..Make myself accountable every week..and I just need to get over myself and not worry about the ups and down.

Just for proof. Stupid scale's calendar is off...weird!!

Monday, June 30, 2014

New recipes...

One of the things I have been slacking on is coming up with new stuff...

Today was an example of them...Let me draw you a picture:

You have just finished working an eight hour shift...You come home and your kids are going crazy. They are fighting over EVERYTHING but you are the bad guy when you try and stop their "play". Throwing your hands up in frustration you manage to make them dinner but you fail to give the correct yogurt to the right kid. The one that typically wants "blue" wants to pink and the one that always gets "pink" was blue...So after you mediate a trade that makes everyone happy the piranhas finally start eating. This process takes about fifteen minutes more than you would have liked...You managed to keep it to ONLY fifteen minutes by promising them that you will walk to the store after they are finished...The store that is .5 miles from your house, but at least there is a sidewalk. 

So once dinner is cleared away you start out making the trek to the store. You managed to not kill your kids on the way to the store and you only threatened their kneecaps once over the entire consider this a win!

Once home the kids break into their skittles and crunch bar but only AFTER their bath time. 

FINALLY the kids are in bed...

You look around and find that it is now 8pm...and you haven't made dinner for you and your hubby. 

What you have managed to do is thaw and clean 12 ounces of shrimp, make avocado pico de gallo along with seasoned sour cream...But no dinner...

Looking around you see that you have broccoli, spinach, cheese, butter, chicken and French's fried onions...what do you do????

Make this....

I am calling this "Greens Chicken and Cheese Casserole"...Check out the recipe page for details...


Sunday, June 29, 2014

Weekend Review

I missed my runs...all week...not only did I not go on them...I MISSED them...I find myself sitting at the computer right now excited and looking forward to tomorrow so that I can run in the morning!

I did pretty well with my eating...that was until Oberwise found itself on the menu...Someday I will be able to say no to that 1000 calories (I am not exaggerating...for two scoops of their "premium" ice cream it is almost as many calories as I eat in a day)

We discovered that California Pizza Kitchen...I mean we have eaten them before...but what we learned was they now offer a gluten free menu!...This is exciting for my daughter and myself since we haven't had pizza in FOREVER!...I mean we make it at home, but finding it at a restaurant is almost impossible. So to say that we were excited to have a family dinner TOGETHER!

It was actually pretty good...My daughter was excited...

As you can see, she had a softball game...I LOVE watching her and her friends enjoy a game that meant so much to me when I was a kid...

On to Saturday...We had yet another softball game...then a birthday party... Then we had to take the kids out to my dad for "Sleep over Day"....This is one of my favorite nights of the week. It is one of the few times that I get to spend one on one time with the hubby.

We walked around the mall...

Had dinner....

Had dessert....

Had drinks...



It was nice...Granted by the time 10pm came around I was missing my babies something FIERCE... So it was almost killer to me to resist going to get my 3 year old when he called all sad saying he wanted to be with me.

This is a fairly normal wants me with he is with my dad or he wants my dad when he is with me...So it wasn't that he was actually in distress...just tired...

A skinnylicious long island iced tea from The Cheesecake Factory helped with

Sunday - I fully intended to run...didn't...slept until 10am...which is REALLY late for me!

Got up...went and bought fireworks (only spend $450 at our first stop) then got the kiddos, brought them home for naps, helped put together the chairs for our new dining room table, cleaned out the overflowing toy boxes in my sons room...went and bought more fireworks (only $120 this time)...then came dinner...

As I am sure you gathered for earlier in this post...I can't have gluten. I begin to feel shitty...My beautiful daughter also struggles with gluten. If you are lucky enough to NOT be effected by gluten then you may not understand how expensive it is. I mean, I get excited when I find gluten free pasta for less then $5 let along the buck you can buy some name brands for...anyways...I have discovered the GREATEST thing ever!

Wal-mart brand....Great makes gluten free products!

Typically in the past I would guy Annie's gluten free mac and cheese. I would pay $3.49 for a box of Mac and Cheese (think Kraft in the blue box)...At Walmart...the Great Value version was $1.28 that is only $.13 more than the blue box that we can't eat!...I was so excited....Tonight for dinner we had the Cheeseburger "Pasta and Sauce" also know as Hamburger!

You know Gluten Free is going to get a whole lot cheaper now that Walmart is on board!

Ok I am off to bed....Talk to you soon!!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

I had a thought this morning...

I woke up to the sound of my 5:50AM.  The sun was just peeking its head over the horizon and I knew a run was calling my name. I got out of bed and went to look at the window. Many thoughts went through my head both motivating and lazy. I looked at my warm bed half tempted just to say screw it and climb back in but I had a thought....there are many things you can do in 45 minutes...but sleep isn't one them. I pulled on my big girl panties and pounded out a first in almost two weeks...

Despite the doldrums I found myself in last night I kicked that runs ass. I averaged a pace of 14:14 that is 14 seconds faster than my normal "fast" pace and I shaved 2+ minutes off my route!

Take that skinny bitch who lives in my head!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I think I might be lost

My mind is never content to just sit and repeat...

In the 18 months since I had surgery I have yet to find that magic bullet or routine that works for me...I don't mean that I am looking for some magic solution. I know there isn't one...there is no magic thing that is going to melt off the fat that took 75% of my life to accumulate on my person...

I read blogs all the LapBand Gal or C Flick...they seem to have their shirt together. I have to admit I find myself jealous. I mean they struggle. Everyone does... I have read theirs when they chose to share them but the one thing they do that I have never been able to emulate...their dedication. They were able to stick to whatever they did...LapBand Gal got 60g of protien a day and ate 1200 calories or less. C Flick ran her buns off and stayed low calorie....

What is wrong with me that I can't do this?

Why am I so unwilling to sacrifice for a short time to savor that "feeling" I long for?

What is wrong with me?

I ask myself this question A LOT!

Sadly I don't have an answer. My hubby has theories...Most of them have to do with obsession/addiction. He phrases it like this...

"Many/most overweight people have a reason they are overweight. They are typically mental. Such as an emotional attachment to food, addiction to food, emotional use of food...They replace food with something else. Such as rule following or exercise..."

I don't have an emotional attachment to least I don't think I do. I don't get emotional satisfaction from eating food. The three things that I would consider comfort food I don't even eat. Didn't really eat it before I had the lap-band. They would be pizza, spaghetti with meat sauce, and tuna casserole. I didn't eat them often...but they have the most emotional correlations for me. They were special day meals...Some of my best memories are tied to them...I can never recreate them...those moments. It isn't the food that makes the moments special it is the people that I was with...and the conversations that took place...Food can't replace that...and I have never thought that it could...

See this is where I get off track...Food is food to me. I enjoy it...and I think it should taste good...but the only emotion I ever have towards it guilt for shit I shouldn't eat...I mean it either tastes good or it doesn't and that has more to do with my eating habits then the mental aspect.

I sometime think it would be easier...if I had some mental reason...I would have something to work though something that I could align myself against...something to battle other then laziness....

Laziness....I think that is my problem...I am a lazy is why I didn't lose weight earlier in life or when I was only 40 pounds from my goal weight in high school...I have hated working out...I hated giving up food that I like and I seem to enjoy beating myself up...I seem to enjoy feeling like I am a failure.

I mean...success is scary...How scary would it be to one day wake up and see the scale moving in the right direction...and clothes start to fit constantly...feeling good about myself...not being a failure...actually succeeding...changing.

What if I become a different person? What if some plastic bitch shows up and replaces the awesome person that I think that I am? What if the people around me don't like the new me? What if I am not actually the person I think I am?...These are scary thoughts to have bouncing around in your head when you are trying to be positive...When you are trying to make the right decisions and know that they will be worth it in the end...The balance is what I lack but apparently need.

So how do you go about training yourself to think you can do it when you have just as much evidence that you suck as you do that you rock?

I don't know what to do...I guess that I will wake up tomorrow and do that best I can...

Fake it until I make it as they say...Perhaps I will figure some shit out...if I do you will be the first to know!

Monday, June 23, 2014

Catch up and Such

So I haven't checked in in a

So I thought that I would...

Things have been nuts...Since the last time I checked in my Mom has moved into her apartment. This has been nuts...the nice thing is though that I have burned a million calories a day taking my kids swimming. Each kid wants me to swim laps with them. My thighs have never been this sore!

My eating has been crap...well that isn't true...based on the options I had I did pretty damn good...other than the ice cream from Oberwise (my weakness) I did pretty good.

All of this together makes me nervous for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is weigh in day...

I don't really want to use my weight from last month...and I don't think I am going to. In all technicalities it was artificial. My weigh in had taken place after an unfill that caused me to go without food and liquid for almost three days. I lost ten pounds from Friday to Sunday...By the time Wednesday came around I was still on liquids but had gained back three of those ten pounds...leaving me down more then I should have been..

I guess I will decide in the morning what I wanna do...

Man looking back over June, this entire month has not gone how I planned...that is ok is all about adjusting and rolling with the punches...

Ok...that is all I have today...check in with you later!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

It just keeps on turning...

I think I missed yesterday...I don't remember if I posted on Facebook *Goes to look* Nope didn't post on Facebook yesterday...Damn....

Oh well...Life has been a little nuts...

I have been on an Non-For-Profit audit for the ****...Ha...Like I could/would tell you who my clients are...What type of accountant do you think I am?

Anyways...I was sitting at my audit yesterday when an announcement came across the e-mail server that one of the senior accountants at my office QUIT. She just left....I mean I get the fact that in the accounting world there is no such thing as two weeks notice....No accounting firm in good conscious will keep an employee around that had put in notice. It opens the firm up to too many it is a no go...The real problem comes from the fact that we are a bit short handed BEFORE.

So anyways...It was supposed to be A, R, J and me on this audit. What ended up happening was just me and A on this audit. The hoopla only magnified the fact that the audit risk assessment and the basic binder prep hadn't been finished...this is stuff that I don't know how to do. I mean I can use the software but I don't know how to do the analytic risk assessment. This is the art in accounting...I do not yet have this skill...Neither does A.

This doesn't mean that we haven't been pushing though. If there is one thing I have learned in my life is that I can do anything I put my mind too...I just may not do it perfectly the very first

So needless to say the audit is not going as planned. Granted we are being touted as "Awesome" So that is a bonus!

Tomorrow I have another day at the audit (I am hoping the last day)...My mom is on her way out here to move into her apartment...She is excited...I am excited...the kids are excited...

so with that I had better go to bed...big day a head of me!!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Catch up and some NSVs

Technically I posted yesterday...I just did it on facebook!

So I still haven't broken my

So here is what is going on with me!

This weekend was N U T Z!

We had softball games and laziness to achieve and Father's Day to celebrate.

After my daughter's softball game (which they won btw) my hubby and I (kid free at this point) went shopping.

We bought a new dinning room table that I love. It is call the Enormous table which is totally fitting since it can seat 12 people. We only bought 6 chairs but it will be AWESOME. When I get it put together I will take a photo.

Anywho, after furniture shopping we went to Kohl's. They had everything on sale (as usual) but they also had a 20% off coupon. I am suffering from the fact that I bought ALL of my work clothes back in December. When it is cold....Now it is in the 90's most days and my long sleeve shirts are KILLING me!

So with that I went into the plus size section found a shirt that I liked...grabbed the 1x (my go to size) and went on my way. After I had found a few shirts, one of which was a large but looked like it might fit, I went to the fitting room. I slipped into the shirt that I REALLY liked but didn't think would fit. And you know what...IT FREAKEN FIT!!!


Keep in mind at this point, I didn't think much of it. Figured it was just an over sized version of the shirt and had nothing to do with me. So with that I moved on to a shirt by the same designer that I also loved. This one I grabbed in an XL. I can typically slip into them if they are stretchy enough.

This time was different...I slipped into the shirt and was totally confused. I walked out to confer with my hubby. This is what I said...."Uh....Ok...It is just me...or does this look too big?" The look on his face was more of an answer than I needed...The shirt was too big!!!

Never in my life have I put back a shirt because it was too BIG. Typically it was because it was too small or wasn't cut well for my fatness...but this moment...was AWESOME!!!

All of the 1X shirts that I picked up were GINORMOUS!!!

I did manage to find a few shirts in a smaller size. First grabbing the XL and then moving on the L...So here is a photo of my NSV

That shirt you see there is in fact a L...It is a cute little Croft and Barrow tank top...I love it! and it looks GOOD if I do say so myself!

I also bought a cute little maxi dress that is an XL...

I should have been braver and went outside my typically black go to but baby steps I say...

Ok, off to bed...have an audit tomorrow and need my sleep but I wanted to share!

Friday, June 13, 2014

So not feeling it today

The said thing that I am only what 15 days into my 30 and I am already waining...

My exercise plan hasn't worked out how I planned but a lot of that has more to do with things outside of my control...This may sound like a cop-out and all but even I have to learn that I do not have control over my hormones.

One thing you should know about that I HATE taking medication.

I hate feeling like I am dependent upon find peace.

With that...I have returned to the habit of taking Melatonin supplements before I go to bed. I tend to avoid this particular supplement. It gives me some REALLY FREAKY messed up dreams after prolonged use. That was with only 1/2 a tablet. Lately I have been taking a full tablet. I have to admit that the extra sleep and beginning to feel like a person again has been nice!

I refuse to get mad at myself for my set backs...I haven't given up and that in and of itself is a win for me!

Anyways...getting off my soap

Had another stay-cation day today...

We went to the The National Museum of Transportation.

It is little boy heaven!

We rode the train about 9,000 times and then there was a million steps.

Because of the 10,000 steps I took made it so that I didn't have to workout today...That is ALWAYS a bonus...other then the fact that I MISS working out. Perhaps I will build it into my day tomorrow!

All right...I am tired...the Melatonin has kicked in...and I need bed!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Full fledged promise!

Goal #1 - Posting

This I have been keeping this up...but only

I have enjoyed keeping in touch with all of you.

I never know how far my blog actually goes or if I help any one...but helping others was only ever intended to be a side effect of this entire process. This entire blog was started for me...So that I could have a place to put my thoughts into words in order to reflect over them in the future. You might be surprised to find out how much solace I find in reading my past good times and bad. It reminds me all the time that this is a process. I didn't gain 165 pounds over a few months and I can't realistically expect to lose it in that time.

It is amazing to me how much time can go on between the start and the finish of a post. I started writing this at eleven this morning and it is now ten at night and I am still writing...and haven't gotten all that far along.

So with that....I am gunna move on to exercise

Goal # 2 - Exercise

I haven't done much. I hurt my knee last Sunday and it just won't let me do much.

Goal # 3 - Food

This has been REALLY good. I decided that if I couldn't work out my eating had to be on point....This is what my lunch looked liked...

I ate it every was AWESOME!

Goal # 4 - New Recipes

I made fish tacos....This is not a new thing...I LOVE fish taco goodness... What is new is the spicy cole slaw on top. I have included it with my fish taco recipe on my Recipes page.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I love my job

When I was in second grade and was telling my teacher that I wanted to be an accountant I don't think I could have anticipated how much I would actually take to this career. I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life; other then spending time with my family.

Witht that I am working 4 days this week which is three days more that I was supposed too but when you love what you do it is never really work....

With that I am off to bed!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Short one just to touch base...

Long day....but a much better one...

If you want more info on my day check out my Facebook page...the link can be found to the right of this post.

I am off to read a romance novel in the comfort of my bed with a protein smoothie until the melatonin kicks in!

Good night and I promise I will write more tomorrow!!!

Monday, June 9, 2014

I should go to bed

I should go to bed before anything else can go wrong today...

I mean, don't get me wrong. The beginning too my day was GREAT!

I had fun at to do something I hadn't done before which is always fun. Got to have lunch with one of my managers from the office who I think is amazing.

Getting off where everything went wrong...

I spent the ENTIRE day on my feet, which isn't a normal thing for me. The worst part is that I couldn't find my I stood all day in my next most comfortable pair of shoes which are a pair of 2.5 inche heels...not very comfy.

So walking out to my car was KILLER!

I was about 30 miles from home at the clients office and had to meet my Dad at Chick-Fil-A to pick up my babies which added an additional 10 miles to my drive...This wasn't bad....anyways...

I am not sure when my mood switched, but I went from happy to f-ing pissed off over the course of like an hour...

Then comes picture day for my daughter's softball team...I knew about these yesterday and had filled out the order form and check early. My daughter was at JUMP all day...I was at work all day...I was only able to communicate with my father though text message which lead to my daughter with her softball uniform in flip flops and a swim suit. So we had to run home.

We get home...and she comes upstairs "Mom, I can't find the buttons" this is when I find out that L has her friend's pants and her friend had hers. So I call said friend's Mom. They aren't home and L's friend is wearing her extra pants so she didn't even notice.

Needless to say, they cut their dinner short and met me at their house so that we could get her uniform pants...note to self, buy extra pair.

Thank God this women is a god send. She also took L to the photo session so that I could take D home to his Daddy. It was one of the most stressful hours of my life. Anything that could have gone wrong did...

One bonus...
I got cuddles with my babies while we watched Cutthroat Kitchen...

So to sum up my day...I love my job...I love my knee and feet are KILLING me...I am pissed off at the people in my life who decide that moving my shit around my house and containerizing it into bags is helpful...I hate that the one person in my life that give me the most support is SO unhelpful..

I am going to go to bed before I KILL someone or eat and entire pie by myself!!!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Cop Out Questionaire Post

Found this questionnaire on Lapband Gal's blog.

I have a TON on my mind but there is so much gunk in there that I just don't feel like sorting it out right now...

So there is this....Hope you enjoy!

1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favorite foods along. What do you bring?
  • Chick-Fil-A Chicken Tenders - They are one of the few things that I break my "No Gluten" rule for.
  • Simple Tuna Salad - Made of canned tuna, mayo, and mustard
  • Cheese - I heart me some curdled and pressed long as it isn't

 2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?
  •  Lap Band Gal - Finding her blog gave me the courage to go though with surgery. I found solace in the fact that she is a person just like me. That she struggles with life and love and balance just like me.
  • C Flick - She is an amazing person who manages to balance life, and kids, and exercise, and such. She was also a MAJOR reason I finally learned how to run. I never thought I would do it...until she did it. She was just like me...if she could do it so could I! Thank you C Flick!!!
  • Luka Beth - She is amazing. I just wanna give her a hug!

 3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)
  • Kacee Rangeview - that is a bit...weird...but

 4) What is your LEAST favorite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favorite since losing weight?
  • This one is a tie between my fat belly overhang and my bat wings... - I hated the belly overhang BEFORE I started losing weight...but now it is all jiggly...and it makes this HORRIBLE slapping sound when I run and I have to wear this super tight almost embarrassingly tight pants in order to get my run on. With the bat is like having pizza dough attached to the back of my legs...It slaps around when I exercise and looks HORRIBLE!
  • My arms - Over the last year, while my bat wings have gotten HORRIBLE, my upper arms have toned up and I have a TON of muscle definition that I find that little bit of sexy I marvel at and enjoy all the time!

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?
  • I do not believe in ghosts or evil spirits. While I believe there are always things out there that can't be explained yet...I don't believe it is people hanging out after they died...

 6) What is your natural hair color? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come?
  • Very dark brown, almost black - I dye it....I dye it a lot and often. At the current moment the ends are auburn with red and blonde highlights, with black roots and a LARGE purple streak. I change my hair color ALL the time...I have done this since I was 13. This was when my parents separated. This was also my first year of Junior high and kids started making fun of me for being "fat"...My hair color has always been the one thing in my life that I can control and change...

 7) Bikinis or granny panties?
  •  Bikinis...I have never worn granny panties...Before I had kids I use to wear thongs but that is a story for another

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)
  • The new Star Trek Movie - I LOVE LOVE LOVE Star Trek and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new reboot of TOS. I am also completely and totally in love with Chris Pine, have been since "Princess Diaries 2"

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)
  • Victorian Era Romance novels - there is something about the chaste courtships that sits just about the sexual passion that is amazing for taking my mind off school, work, stress. I can down one of these books in only a few hours. Some of the best ones make me laugh and cry...I LOVE THEM!!!

10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?? :)
  • 69 pounds...for the first time in my life I am certain that I will never see this weight again. My weight might be coming off slower then I like but I am sure that that is a MAJOR reason why I will end up being successful.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

I struggle

This is something that I almost never REALLY write about.

I mean I mention them...I touch base on them a little...but I never really TRULY speak of them.

Today was a struggle.

My band doesn't stop head hunger or lack of self control.

If I eat when I am not hungry, or eat more than I need too...that is on me.

After this point is when the self loathing kicks in....The negative self talk gets to you and you turn to old vices. "Well, I already f-ed up my day why not go for the gold." So then you turn and you eat more...

And the vicious cycle continues.

The only saving grace is that, unlike in the past, I can't eat as much as I once could. I can't overeat since the band just won't let.

So at least in this instance it slows me down.

It helps a little

I found myself reverting back to the days when I was almost afraid to allow myself to feel hungry. I would eat because it seemed like "it was about time" or that "Would be hungry soon." or the absolute worst one...I am NOT hungry AT ALL and I would eat because those around me were eating...

I am hoping that going to bed will reset my brain...I am hoping for a better tomorrow!

Friday, June 6, 2014


Yesterday was the day for breaking streaks....

I didn't do my 30 day ab challenge stuff....

I didn't post on my blog...

I suck...

Not really...

I had a GREAT day yesterday....I managed to get my ass up and out of bed by 5:50 am...I knocked out a 3 mile run by 6:40 am...

It was beautiful...for the rest of the day...I didn't have to worry about getting my workout in for the remainder of the day....this is something I FULLY intend to didn't happen today...I was pretty tired and had a long day today...

Today...we went to the zoo...

It was the first day of our Summer Stay-Cation....We are doing this a bit differently this year in the sense that instead of taking one week and doing a toursty type thing we are doing it every Friday...Thanks to my new awesome

So at the Zoo I took an opportunity to "Recreate" a photo from the past....It was taken in 2011 shortly after I had my son....I thought I would share this little gem with you....

I have to admit I am pretty proud of myself...granted the "Mean Girl" in my head is choosing to point out that I am not in fact smaller, but that my babies just got bigger...

I know this isn't true...But still....

Ok so after out trip to the zoo I had a fill appointment...and we had a softball game (which we lost) and I had to squeeze in grocery shopping....

Needless to say I am EXHAUSTED!!!

So with that...nite nite!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Just checking in

Once again I find myself laying in bed and realizing that I haven't posted yet today...

Today was boringly unproductive despite the millions of things I had to do.

My daughter caught a softball for the first time ever...She was very excited!!!

Ok off to bed I go....hopefully tomorrow is better!!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Guess what I am still alive!!! (Day 10/30)

Man did my day fly by....the simple fact that I enjoy working out at night tends to throw a damper on my day.

The truth is I LOVE how I feel when I exercise in the morning...I just can never seem to get my lazy ass out of bed. Take this morning for example....I had my alarm set for 5:30am. When the alarm went off this morning I was like...dang I don't wanna get up...So I looked at the clock and it was 7:00AM!!!! I have no idea who this happened...My hubby figures that one of two things took place....either I turned the alarm off BEFORE it has a chance to go off...or I turned it off AS SOON as it went off before my hubby and I fully woke up...I HATE that I do this....but it isn't abnormal!

 This subconscious desire to remain in beds leads to me working out at 9:30pm. Perhaps someday I will embrace this but for now it still urks me.

So on to my exercise for the day....

Today's challenge was *drum roll please*  WIND SPRINTS!!!...I have never done them before. They are comprised of 20 seconds at 8.0 mph and 60 seconds at 3.0 mph. I managed to do 15 sprints in the 20 minutes I was on the treadmill (not counting the 3 minute warm-up and 4 minute cool down)

Man these made me tired....I HATE how much I enjoyed doing these...They will definitely be built into the normal schedule.

So the reason I am amazed that I am still alive is because of the "30 Day Ab Challenge"...

Day 3 wasn't anything too crazy....25 Sit Ups, 10 Crunches, 10 Leg Lifts, and a 15s plank....But good lord...I started off sore and then did them AFTER my wind sprints. Thank god tomorrow is a rest day!

So, my food today was AMAZING...I was pretty proud.

I made a lean 1 shake for breakfast...

Pack a lunch that was only 282 calories and 17 grams of protein. While the protein count could have been higher it was AMAZING!!!

Snack when I got home was a cheese snack

Dinner was a naked Mango Mojo burrito with sour cream and was AMAZING...

After all of this I was at a little less than 1300 calories...

So after all of this I elected to go over my calories by a bit more in order to drink a Nectar protein shake and had a sting cheese...I can't imagine how sore I would have been tomorrow if I didn't take in the 40 grams of protein....

Well, I am done rambling...tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my favorite blonde haired man...My baby boy D!

Monday, June 2, 2014

Painful June has begun

Man this 30 Day Ab Challenge is going to kick my ass.

Anyways....short summary of the day.

Had to work. It was the first day of my first ERISA audit. For those non-accountants out there it is a DOL (Department of Labor) audit on 401(k) plans that have more than 100 participants. They are fun and a nice change from assurance audits.

Came home...took my kiddos to the track....walked a mile while I talked with my Dad...didn't really get a workout done but I completed Day 2/30 for my ab challenge.

Tomorrow I don't have to be to work until 10am so I am hoping to get to bed (I say as I lay here typing feverishly with my thumbs) and get up at 5:30 to go for a morning run.

Ok...So with that I sign off...just wanted to keep up my streak.

Sunday, June 1, 2014 was a rough one!

You would think that having a kid free night with your hubby would cure all that ails you...but for some didn't.

I woke up tired and just feeling...yucky....That is my big grown up word for how I felt.

After being up for about an hour I feel asleep on the couch which was the worst mistake I could have made. It is like sleeping on a medieval torture device....H O R I B B L E !!!

I just seemed/felt/have been feeling so angry lately...I need to work on this before it manifests in other ways.

Anyways, to touch on that later, my baby girl had a softball game today.

They won...she was SUPER excited and they had a blast.

I apologize for the randomness in this post...I am just trying to get these thoughts out of my head...

So after all was said and done I went out for a was horrible...

I only ran about 1.34 miles before I started walking. That means that I walked 1.66 miles. I had to finish because I was out side and I had to finish or not go home. Again, I felt icky...yucky...gross...and just wanted to give up. But I didn't, I didn't call my hubby and make him come get me.

I even finished my Day 1 of the 30 Day Ab Challenge.

So with this randomness...I am going to go to bed...and sleep and hope to get up and run again in the morning.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Reflections- Day 6

Boy was today a crazy one. As I write this I am laying in my bed. Thanks to the blogger app I am to keep my posting streak going despite the fact that I would rather skip it. I am exhausted!

First (and this was my kids favorite) we ate breakfast in the car so my hubby could go to the chiropractor. This meant that I drank my morning protein shake and my kids munched on fruit and drank their carnations instant breakfast...they are nerds and enjoyed this way too much.

The whole reason that we went with the hubby was because we were buying the kids new bikes. My daughter hoped and prayed (she is the only religious one in our house which I support cuz I believe that kids should find their own path and not blindly follow mine...anyways...) She prayed that she would find a purple bike with a black seat...the bike she fell in love with has a dark purple frame and a black seat with graffiti on it...She is in 2nd grader heaven.

My son's bike is just as awesome his is Lightening McQueen and has a tool kit on the front.

So after we purchased the bikes we couldn't just go home we HAD to go the track near our house and try them out. The kids had a blast and were both sad when it was time to go.

You see we had to leave cuz we had a Birthday party to get to at a local gymnastic place. Again the kids had a blast and thanks to a large amount of cake they were both still standing.

After the party my daughter's besty came over for dinner then we had to run to a Girl Scout neighborhood Campfire!

Which didn't end until 9 pm...

After this day I needed a
All of this brings me to my revelation...

I NEED to go through my clothes and say goodbye. Today I was wearing one of my most favorite tank tops and the thing is it was big on me when I weighed 330 pounds let alone now weighing 260.

It is horrible and huge and dare I say frumpy...

So that is my big revelation to share with all of you.

Good night and see you tomorrow!!!

Friday, May 30, 2014

Day 5 - I am still alive!

Goal #1 - Posting about my life

Today was my kids last day of school.

This is always bittersweet for me. I love spending time with my kiddos. I love taking them to the zoo, and the Magic House, and the STL Science Center. Watching them learn makes my heart happy...

But on the other hand, it denotes the passage of time. My little baby....the little girl that was born when I was 22 is now going to be in 2nd grade...That means I have two years before my youngest child is in kindergarten.

I think, for the first time, I know how my parents feel.

Goal #2 - Exercise


I was ridiculous...

Here I was thinking that I was going to do this AWESOME 7 mile run. Needless to say that didn't happen...

What did happen was a 3 mile run in the drizzle of a rain shower that this deluge became.

Here is me after...
This is a HORRIBLE photo of me...I look tired and old...and tired...

But not a hair on my head was dry...My clothes weren't nearly as soaked as I thought they should have been but that is the beauty of wicking fabric.

3 Miles in 44:27. My splits were Mile1 - 14:55, Mile 2 - 14:11, Mile 3 - 14:19. I am SUPER stoked...These are pretty close to my fastest paces. I am getting closer.

My goal for next year for the Make Tracks at the Zoo is to do the 5K in under 30 minutes.

Bring on the running!!!

Oh and also before I move on, I have joined a Facebook event. It is a 30 Day Ab challenge...The calendar is as follows...

I am gunna do it...I am gunna add it to my current challenge...June is gunna H U R T!!

Goal # 3 - Food

This is SO not on track. However, I am gunna.
We had a family meeting...We are going to limit our eating out to two meals a week.
We are going to get back to eating the way we had a year ago. It helped my hubby lose weight and I lost weight faster...So we are getting back on track....I made a menu and went shopping.

It is funny to mean how hard this aspect of this process is...I used to think that the exercise was the hard part...but that is NOT the truth.


Hasta la vista and Buenos noches!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Day 4....How I have failed thee

Goal #1 - Writing about my life

Well today has been kinda shitty...

Found out that the $1M in life insurance coverage I thought we had in the event that something happens to my hubby was cancelled six months ago...


This is a prime reason why you should NEVER mix family and money...but I digress

Goal # 2 - Exercise

Well this one didn't happen today...

This is why I have failed...

Life got to crazy....

I was trying to get a few hours of work done and was stuck on a single return for like two hours. By the time I gave up and asked for help, my daughter was getting home from school. Then she had dance...I was planning on going for a run but then realized that I had left part of my computer set up at the office and I am out in the field all next week so I had to run to the office to get it...

Coming home from this is when I realized that we had no life insurance policy any more...

So there I am...Trying to make dinner while trying to get a hold of my agent (who happens to be my sister in law)...then I had to run out of the house to get my daughter from dance.

I am not making any excuses I am simply explaining to myself and others why I didn't do it. At this point I am tired...but I have decided as punishment, I have to run TWO laps around the lake tomorrow...this is a feat I have never tried before...but it will make up for today...And get myself back on track...

Goal #3 - Eating...

Veggie chips are evil...nuff said!

Goal #4  - Cooking

I made White Chili...I have NEVER done this before.

It was awesome and YUMMY!!

Ok...Today is logged and done....on to tomorrow!!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

30 Day Challenge - Day 3 (I promise I will come up with new titles)

Goal #1 - Post about my life

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

April 2nd Weight – 268.8

April 30th Weight - 264

May 28th Weight - 261.6

Total Weight Loss – 69

YAY....I am excited...I am down for the 5th month in a row...I have finally gotten to the point that I am no longer obsessed with how fast I lose weight just simply that I lose weight. This fits in with my motto for life lately "It is perfectly ok to want to long as you don't"

If I don't stop...then I will cross the goal line eventually...Just think of all the fun stuff and awesome people I will meet along the way. Bring on the journey!

Goal #2 - Exercise - Burned 283 calories in 27 minutes 

I AM SO SORE!! Anyways... I woke up with one thought...

Am I going to let my excuses get the best of me today?

I have to admit...I almost did...But in the end...

9:00pm...I put the kids to bed and did my workout video game...In my opinion, it is better then a workout DVD it gives me variety and the "trainer" doesn't always say the SAME thing OVER and OVER again.

4th Day in a Row!!!

Goal #3 - Eating
Eating wasn't horrible today. I was on track until my kids dinner...I slipped and ate some of the kids chicken nuggets...those thing are calorie heavy and protein

All in all it wasn't horrible...

Goal #4 - New recipes

Tonight I used my Veggetti to make zucchini noodles

They were topped with Italian sausage and a home made alfredo sauce

I made the sauce by using 1/2 cup half and half, 1 cup Parmesan cheese, and 2 tbsp butter

It looked like this...

OMG all I can say is that I CANNOT wait to make this again! arms are tired...and I have a long day of nothing really tomorrow....Nite!!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Second post of the day

Signed up for a Graze Box

I am excited...

You should check it out...

If you decide to sign up use this code


You will get your 1st and 5th box for free and I earn money off...mutually beneficial!

30 Day Challenge - Day 2 (Fair warning - LOTS of sharing)

So...just a few thing about today....

Goal #1 - Posting about my life
Technically this happened yesterday...

My beautiful baby girl learned how to ride her bike without her training wheels for the FIRST TIME EVER!

As you can see she is VERY proud of herself and VERY excited!!

Goal #2 - Exercise
So yesterday and today I didn't feel like was unable to workout outside. So, I decided that I would use a Christmas present that I got a few years is called....


I am so sore...the little sensors are mean and it makes you all sweaty...the only real drawback is the music is HORRIBLE...but I can get over it!

Here is what the Bodymedia band read out looks like...

I am VERY proud of myself. I didn't wanna...but I did...YAY me!

Goal #3 - Eating
I did REAL well today...Which is saying A LOT since my band is non-existence.

I had a Lean 1 shake...with Chai powder, banana, powdered peanut butter.
A (homemade) bento box - ham cheese rolls, strawberries and bananas, and colby jack cheese (See picture)

Two Nectar protein shakes
1/2 Joey Jr (naked)

This is where it went wrong...After working out I ate some tuna to bump up my protein and a HUGE over sized Crunch bar called my name and I gave in...I am over my calories by 600 calories...which is the entire candy bar...and 1/2 my daily goal...I gotta knock that shit off...It ends now!

I am not going to never eat a candy bar every again, but I need to figure out something...perhaps I can make my peanut butter/banana chocolate things instead.

Goal #4 - New recipes 
I haven't don't this one yet...but I knew that would happen...Today was a little crazy between work and being

I bought a new toy today

I am going to use it tomorrow for dinner...We are going to turn zucchini into spaghetti and eat it with Italian sausage...Tomorrow I am also going to look into making white chicken chili (Keep an eye out for a recipe)

Watch out tomorrow for another update!!!

Monday, May 26, 2014

The start to summer...

So I have decided that I am going to start off my summer with a challenge...

A 30 day challenge.

Over the next 30 days I am going to do the following things...

  1. I am going to post to my blog and my Facebook everyday. I am going to share my life more and make more time for writing things down
  2. I am going to get exercise everyday.
  3. I am going to return to the "Weight Loss Surgical Center" diet...It consist of 30g of protein every 3 hours. Sticking to the list of approved foods and avoiding all others. Part of this includes packing my lunch.
  4. Try new recipes. So this one isn't going to be an everyday thing, but I feel the need to branch out of my comfort zone.
So...Here is day 1's blog post:

My Mom is awesome.

She dug though photos that I had sent her over the years to find me a "before" photo. I don't really have one. I had this little habit of putting myself behind others in order to hide...I didn't want to be in photos in the first place let alone have all that fatness hanging out.

This habit made it very difficult to have a decent before photo. So bless her heart she sent one she had of me from the Zoo the summer before I had surgery. With that I made this...

I cannot believe that I was every that big...I SO don't remember this...I think I have blocked it out...

Anyways...I have to admit that I am motivated by this photo. I am almost half way to my goal. I want that finish line photo (yes I know that there is really no finish, but still) This is part of the reason why I am doing this challenge. I need to refind my motivation so that I can get to my goal faster.

Well, that is about all that I have at the to you tomorrow!

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Totally unexpected

So...if you have read my blog over the last few days you know that I have been struggling to eat or drink.

I thought I was struggling with allergies.

Turns out it was something TOTALLY different.

Apparently, the steroid eye drops I have been required to take after my LASIK surgery caused irritation in the lining of my stomach which is apparently a pretty normal side effect.

In a normal person this has NO effect on their ability to might make there stomach a little upset but other wise nadda...but for took me from my "Green Zone" to "Red Zone"

Since it took me so long to get around to figuring out what the hell was going on...It woke up feeling like crap this morning.

My lips were dry, my tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth. I was lightheaded when I was horrible!

God bless my surgical center. My lovely LPN came in on her Sunday afternoon to take 1cc out of my band.

I can drink...that is all that I wanted. I don't even care about being able to eat at this point...Just drink.

At this point, I am SUPER excited...I have drank an ENTIRE 32oz smoothie from Smoothie King. I got a Gladiator smoothie with mango and black cherry and an extra scoop with protein. Yum!

It is the first sustenance that I have been able to eat/drink since Thursday!

With that...I am off to find a bottle of water and get rid of this headache!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Struggles and celebrations

Well....I did it...I graduated from College. Granted it isn't official until I have my diploma in my hand in 6-8 weeks.

But I know that I did.

I got 3 A's and an A-

I have never been in jeopardy of failing at least not since I went to back to school as a grown up.

Here is a little gem for you...

That ulgy beautiful tassel you see there signifies that I got latin honors...YA baby!!

So now that the celebration part of this has been touched...lets move on to the struggles...

I am having issues with clogging in my band.

I wake up in the morning and I can't eat or drink anything for like 6 is horrible!

I have no idea what to do about it...I have tired Sudafed and it works about 90% of the time but in my world it is not a permanent solution AND it doesn't work all the time.

I have seen an allergist got every test done they do...Nothing. According to them I do not suffer from seasonal allergies. They gave me this nasal spray and I see no difference.

I spoke to both my GP and my Surgeon but no one has any ideas past going to see an allergist.

I am lost...Anyone out there have any suggestion? I would GREATLY appreciate it!

Saturday, May 10, 2014

OMG...I have missed you all....

I suck...I apologize...I haven't been around...

Let me get you caught up...

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

March's Weight – 270.6

April’s Weight – 268.8

May's Weight - 264

Total Weight Loss – 66.6

Hopefully I will keep up with the logging part...having to fill in multiple months is kinda

I am SO close to 70 pounds...that is exciting!!!

So...I graduate in a week or so...I am in the process of...NOTHING...glorious nothing...I don't have homework...I don't have quizzes...No papers to write...This has never happened to me...This will be my first summer off from school in about 6 years...I am looking forward to it!

And now I have a beautiful purple streak in my hair...

That isn't much...but sure seems awesome to me!

Talk to you soon!

Sunday, April 13, 2014


OMG...It was so much fun!

 Here are some photos from the fun both before and after....

I had a personal best today... Here are my Un-"Official Stats"

I look forward to my next 5K on May 18th!!!

Friday, April 11, 2014

Calling an end to radio silence

It has been a while...well actually WAY to long since I have posted anything.

I apologize for being so...absent...lately.

So here is a little catch up on what has been going on.

1) Weight Loss- I lost 1.8 pounds over the month of March.  This doesn't bother me at all. I have learned things over the last year and a half that tell me that ANY TIME I increase my exercise (in this case running longer) my body FREAKS and tries to hold on to any and EVERY gram of fat that my body has. It doesn't like it at all! It wants to be fat...which I don't like.

2)Running- It is only logical to move to this topic next. I am in love with this simple activity. I love how it makes my muscle feel even when they are so shaky I think I won't be able to take another step. I love how it makes me feel ABOUT myself. I totally have one of these moments every time...

The greatest thing you ask? I don't give a damn. I am a 268 pound women who runs 4 miles 3-4 days a week. I am kicking ass!

3) Slimming and Goo!- I don't know about the rest of you...but my band is being a little pissy lately. I CONSTANTLY have to keep my little red friend near by when I eat or drink.

It is an almost daily thing that has gotten worse over the last few days. I mean...I went from maybe once a day but more like three days a week having to deal with the slime/goo. Now it is almost EVERY TIME I eat. I have no idea what to do. It has been almost 6 months since my last fill. I have a hard time believing that this is because of my fill level. This next part has been written since I wrote the above part I have found a theory I am going to test. My restriction has gotten worse since I increased my cheese intake. I am going to leave it out of my diet for a week and see if there is any change.

4)Employment- As I am sure some of you know I have been working at an internship for the last five months. As of Wednesday, it be came a permanent position. They are keeping me on a part time accountant. I will work when they need me and not work when they don't need me. This is the best of both worlds. I get to further my career while still getting to spend time with my babies.

5) Graduation - FIVE MORE WEEKS!!!

Sunday, April 6, 2014

1 Week and counting....

My first 5K is coming up in 8 days....I am SUPER excited!

I have gotten to where I can run (and prefer to run) 4 miles at a time...

On that note...I have signed up for another 5K.

The Saint Louis Zoo has something they call Make Tracks for the Zoo. It is a family event. My daughter (7) gets run in a 1/2 mile race and my son (3) gets to participate in a 1/4 miles run.

We all get T-shirts and the money is for a good cause...


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Little tidbit I just had to share

Until Sunday...I hadn't gotten a run in for almost 2 weeks...

I was sick as a dog but soon found myself not wanting to run...

So Sunday I ran ...

The aftermath of my run on Sunday....
Monday I was was to be I didn't run

This brings us to today...

After class today I found myself kid free...With my kids on Spring Break they have been spending a lot of time at Papa's house. While I miss them like crazy I am super glad that they are having fun.

Anyways...It was 60 degrees out side with a nice little breeze so I decided to go to the lake not far from my house to run outside.

While in the car I found myself NOT wanting to run the C25K program for the day. I didn't want to have to stop and walk....With that, a crazy thought started to grow in the back of my mind...

The track around the lake is 3.7 miles...I wondered if I would be able to run for the entire 3.1 miles of a 5K. I started out walking...classic warm up....At .35 miles into the track...I began to jog.

There were times when what I was doing could barely be called "jogging" I was going so slow...or felt like I was going so slow. 

The most astonishing thing...I didn't stop...I jogged for 3.6 miles without stopping. It took me 57:07 to complete the entire 3.9 (including the warm up)...I was so proud of myself. I have never in my life done that. I proved to myself that I CAN do it...

Ok to be time should be 55:07 and I did stop....once...there was a lady there jogging who got tangled up in her dogs leash. It was almost slow motion watching her fall to the ground. As I approached I watched as people just ran around her...looked at her like she was in their way...I noticed that her puppy was trying to escape so I quickly grabbed his leash and went to help her up. She was bleeding but was ok once the other good Samaritan (a bike rider) and I managed to find someone with napkins. Once she was safely tucked away I continued my run...It may have messed up my time but if I ever fall and have blood gushing from my eyebrow I hope someone stops to help me.

Monday, March 10, 2014

There are some moments in your life where you would have to get better to die

That is how I felt this weekend.

What started a stupid cold ended up with me going to bed at 5 pm on Saturday...waking up off and on all night feeling nauseated and throwing up....At one point I was sleeping on the bathroom floor because getting out of bed was too hard....I finally got out of bed at 9 am only to move to the couch.

I ate nothing...I barely got fluids in me and that was only though sheer determination by the hubby to get me to drink my Gatorade.

I even posted on Facebook that feeling like crap would have been an upgrade from how I felt.

Thank god this only took 24 hours to get was the longest 24 hours of my life...

As you can imagine I am a little off as far as my diet goes...

Yesterday I ate 4 saltines, a banana, and a small bowl of egg drop soup.

Today I drank a protein shake, ate beef fried rice, and a hot dog....not exactly quality diet material.

I also haven't run in over a week....This is not good for my fat little self.

Tomorrow I am going to get my ass back in gear...I add one disclaimer to that...If this motion induced headache doesn't go away...the run will not happen!!

I will keep you posted...

Friday, March 7, 2014

Finally...Weigh in day

Ok so technically it was on Wednesday...but with tax season and school in full swing I am running a bit behind.

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Months’s Weight – 277.2

Today’s Weight – 270.6

Total Weight Loss – 60


I have lost 60 pounds!

The hubby is still withholding my scale...That means that I don't get to weigh in again until the 5th of April. I have to admit that it is nice...I just focus on getting my runs in and balancing it with my calories...I try not to stress...It seems to be working

Let see if we can keep it up!!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

My story of why I ended up crying on the treadmill

That title kinda makes me feel like I am one of those short story authors that don't tell you their new book is actually a collection of short stories....oh wait....I kinda am!

Story #1 - My day to day life with diet haters

Much like the rest of you (if anyone out there still READS this blog) I am on journey. I pretty much NEVER call it a "Diet"...I mean it is a diet in the sense that the definition of diet is  the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats. For me, it is a lifestyle change as cliche as that sounds.

So on to the store of the day...I am not sure how much about me you all know...First, I am an overweight person who had lap-band surgery. With that I live on a high protein diet. Second, I am gluten intolerant. That last part is the one that most people seem to want to guilt me about...which I don't get.

I can't have donuts, pizza, bread, cake, cookies, pies...most things that I don't eat anyways!

When people realize this I typically have this conversation:

T=Them M=Me

T - "So you mean you can't have pizza?"
M - "No, the crust has gluten."
T - "I am so sorry..."
M - "Why?"
T -  "Craving food is the spice of life. It is just so satisfying to eat the foods you want."

Typically by this point I can't help but wonder when I mentioned that I wanted pizza. I used to eat pizza every Friday....I used to love donuts, and cake and cookies, but once I realized that I can't tolerate gluten I realized how SHITTY these food made me feel. After while you don't WANT to eat this stuff.

I miss sandwiches, but not enough that eating the pieces of the sandwich sans the bread won't cure it.

The conversation typically continues with....

T- "I feel so bad for you...I don't think I could do that."
M- "Meh, you get to a point where you don't even want it."
T - "Yeah, keep telling yourself that." (Typically laced with sarcasm)

I had this conversation today with a friend at school. He told me he was having pizza for dinner. I made the mistake of mentioning that I don't eat pizza...Interjected in the conversation above was the explanation that I was having stew (Creamy Beef Stew with mashed cauliflower). It is this BEAUTIFUL stew that it SO satisfying. Chalked full of vegetables and yumminess....SO MUCH BETTER THEN PIZZA. Yet, I am the one being pitied...I find this just as aggravating as when people find out that I have a lap-band and they whip out the "You don't need are perfect the way you are." WTF??

Story #2 - Crying on the treadmill

Again for those of you that know me...I am training for a 5K. I am participating in The Graffiti Run on April 13th. My goal is to be able to run the ENTIRE 3.1 miles. I have been training with the Couch25K program. It is a step by step training program...It is kinda awesome...

Anyways...This last Saturday I completed Week 5 Day 1. That consisted of a 5 min warm up, 8 min job, 5 min walk, 8 min job, and a 5 min cool down....I was SO excited...I made it the first 8 minutes without stopping. I glanced at the next training day. That ridiculous program thought that I could go from barely running 8 minutes to running for 20 minutes non-stop.

Today I walked into the gym today at school. I was fully intending to repeat the last day. I couldn't help but think how ridiculous it was to thing that I...a fat chick weighing in at 277 (at last weigh in) could possibly run for 20 minutes non-stop. I had barely made it 8.

My husband ,while I was ranting about this ridiculous next step, kept telling me that endurance by this point was more about the muscle between my ears and not the ones on my legs. Between him and my test score in cost accounting (I kicked that test ass...I got an 89 when the class average is 72) I decided that I should at least try what was the worst that I could happen...I not make it?

So with my mind set and my music blaring in my ears I started my jog. Pretty soon I was at the 8 minute jogging mark....then 9....then 10...then 15...All the while I had a HUGE grin on my face...I no doubt looked crazy...then the 20 minute mark hit...that is not to say that it was took a lot of working though the pain and convincing myself not to stop...but I MADE IT!

It was at this point that I started to cry....I was so proud of overwhelmed with this achievement that tears rolled down my still smiling cheeks. I am fairly certain that no one noticed since I had gallons of sweat running down my face at the same time.

OMG....I...a fat, overweight women who had NEVER run that far or that long in her LIFE successfully ran 20 minutes!

I am tickled....and those are my stories for the day!

Give me a shout out if you are still out there!...Peace and love to all!!