This is something that I almost never REALLY write about.
I mean I mention them...I touch base on them a little...but I never really TRULY speak of them.
Today was a struggle.
My band doesn't stop head hunger or lack of self control.
If I eat when I am not hungry, or eat more than I need too...that is on me.
After this point is when the self loathing kicks in....The negative self talk gets to you and you turn to old vices. "Well, I already f-ed up my day why not go for the gold." So then you turn and you eat more...
And the vicious cycle continues.
The only saving grace is that, unlike in the past, I can't eat as much as I once could. I can't overeat since the band just won't let.
So at least in this instance it slows me down.
It helps a little
I found myself reverting back to the days when I was almost afraid to allow myself to feel hungry. I would eat because it seemed like "it was about time" or that "Would be hungry soon." or the absolute worst one...I am NOT hungry AT ALL and I would eat because those around me were eating...
I am hoping that going to bed will reset my brain...I am hoping for a better tomorrow!