Frustration...

I am about to say the most honest statement that I have ever put on this blog:

I am lost!

I have been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds since AUGUST!!!

I had hoped to be down 100 lbs by my band-i-versary, that came and went in December and I was only down 58 pounds. I thought I was on too something at the beginning of January but I have gained for the last 4 weeks in a row. I am now the heaviest I have been since October 1st.

I have been training for my 5K. I have been plagued with injuries but I haven't let them stop me.

I was eating high protein...

All of these mixed together got me nothing.

Tomorrow I am going to have to weigh in again...I FEAR that it will be another gain...I DO NOT want to be back into the 280's.

My surgeon's office tells me the same thing...."Protein Shakes...just drink protein shakes." They don't stress balance, just weight loss.

Man how I wish I could do that. How I WISH I could be content with only drinking liquid anything and never eating food again. That would be awesome. Be like an substance addict and just quit cold turkey, but you can't. If you stop eating you die.

What on earth am I going to do?

Perhaps I need another sugar detox.

I have tired the last two days to stay under 1200 calories...I haven't been able too...there is something wrong with me I swear. Maybe it is too much sugar...or stress....or both!

I don't want to put it off, but I am not sure if I can start a detox right now. I am on an audit this week. That means client meetings and eating out (not allowed to eat at the clients office). How do you tell the people that will decide your fate with the company that you don't want to have lunch with them? How to make a decision to eat only protein at any restaurant they may choose for lunch. Perhaps I need to stop being afraid and do what is best for me??

*SIGH*