22 Weeks is a bit depressing...

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week’s Weight – 290.4

Today’s Weight – 292.8

Total Weight Loss – 37.8

Well shit...

My food was pretty good and my calorie burn wasn't horrible...but somehow I still managed to gain a little more than two pounds....F*&$!

I promised that I wouldn't beat myself up over this but it doesn't change my disappointment in myself and everything else that happened in the last week. I have been feeling in a funk and for the last week or so I have been having this feeling that I would gain this week. I tried my best to keep on track but I am pretty sure the mind is a terrible thing when it begins to sew seeds of doubt that can derail EVERYTHING else.

I have people in my life that tell me that weight loss surgery is the "easy way out", that people should have the fortitude to just not eat the shit they shouldn't. They are morons. While I believe that there are easier options then Lap-band none of them are easy. None of them remove the mental aspect and the self doubt.

I pledge to myself that it is never to late to get back on track. I promise myself that I will learn from my mistakes and not punish myself for them. I will know at the end of the day I did the best I could on that particular day and will try for better tomorrow. I will use my band as the tool that it is and know that even with its help I did this myself. I am accountable to me and myself only.

I am going to get myself out of this fun before my family's annual Stay-Cation next week. We have way to much fun stuff planned for next week. Every year we make a calendar...Here is this years....

Next week is going to be a BLAST with lost of walking and hopefully not horrible food choices. My husband is coming on our stay-cation with us for the first time EVER. This is our third year doing this and this is the first time that he got a week of vacation after the kids school year was over. That does mean that we are doing it a bit earlier then normal but it will still be fun.

I get a fill next week but I have one more weigh in before than...hopefully I have a decent loss next week to make up for this week. I will keep you posted!

21 weeks and counting...

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week’s Weight – 293.4

Today’s Weight – 290.4

Total Weight Loss – 40.2

I lost 3 pounds...I want to be excited about this. While I am proud, most of it was the water that I had gained the previous week...that is a little bumming but I am SUPER glad that I got that water back off.

I am SUPER excited that I hit the 40 pound mark.  I have two more pounds and I will have lost 25% of my estimated excess weight.

I am going to to watch the Senior PGA Practice Rounds...I have NEVER gotten watch a professional golfer play.

I will keep you all posted.

So last night was fun...(Please read the sarcasm)

I have debated on writing this post today...

With all that is going on in Oklahoma with the tornado and the death...My flooded garage is not a huge disaster.

So this is what happened...

I got out of class last night at 8 pm. I rushed to my car because there was lightening dancing in the sky almost continuously. It was freaky!

Anyways...as I was driving home I was driving though weird patterns of rain. Some of it was misty and some was coming down so hard that my wipers couldn't clear it. I couldn't wait until I got home. I pulled into the safety of my garage and looked out in the clouds glad that I was safe and that I would weather the storm at home safe and when the sun came up everything would be fine.

This was true...for about 45 minutes.

I heard this weird noise coming from downstairs and a weird vibration in the floor that I knew wasn't normal. I called to my hubby, since I was indisposed at the time, he went to go check out what was going on in the garage. Keep in mind that I thought it was simply the garage door being blown in. My hubby opened the door and was greeted by a RUSH of water that was three inches above  bottom of the door.

WE HAD 7 INCHES....S E V E N INCHES of water filling up my garage.

The sound I had heard was flash flood RIPPING the tracks of my garage door out of the wall and allowing the river of water to fill my garage.

If we had known we wouldn't have opened the door. Apparently the door is sealed VERY well sealed since we didn't have any evidence of water coming in around the door. This is what my hallway (the only part that flooded IN the house) looked like after the "Opening the door" fiasco.

In the heat of the moment...I forgot to take a photo of how the garage looked...It was....I don't even know how to explain what that moment was like. To be wading into your garage while you have paint cans floating around in the water that is about two inches above your ankles.

Here is the water line on my garage door...Keep in mind the door threshold is about three inches below the water line.

So...I simply went to bed last night...I didn't do anything other then pull my golf clubs out of the SEVEN inches of water. I just went to bed...lol

When I got up this morning the work began...My mom got me a wet/dry vac...a high powered one at that. Once I got home and I got it put together I began to suck up the water that made my carpet sound like I was walking though a puddle. I mean like a cartoon sloshing sound it was RIDICULOUSNESS!

It took me four hours...but I managed to SUCK out almost 10 gallons of water from my carpet.

This is only about half of the water that came out! (12 gallon bucket)

I sprayed down my garage floor getting rid of 90% of the silt that came in with the water. I fixed my garage door so that it was once again attached to my house...well actually my dad did it, but I am stealing the credit. I pushed the excess water out of my garage and once again became thankful that my house is grated forward slightly so that all the excess water from last night flowed back out a few minutes after it came in.

At the end of the day...My carpet is still on the wet side of damp but I have three box fans currently blowing on it. My garage has some wet drywall but they have been sprayed down with bleach water and my door is fixed. All in all it wasn't near as bad at it could have been.

The very very upside...I burned 1000 calories cleaning up my house...lol...granted only like 500 of that was from the actual cleaning the rest I would have burned anyways...

*Sigh*     *Yawn*

Ok I am off to bed!

New experiance

Well for those of you who read my last post...I gained this week...

This has prompted me to make a few changes and try some new things.

One of those is a new brand of protein powder...it is called 1st Phorm Level 1, I got the Chocolate Mocha.

It is a whey and egg white protein mixture.

Up until this point I had only tried the Nectar Brand proteins and they are think as water. They are nice when you want an iced coffee or want a protein to dump into a yogurt or something...but they S U C K on the smoothie side.

So I bought this protein that my Daddy suggested and it makes the BEST smoothie I have ever had.

So this leads into my second new thing...

I have decided that I need to change my eating habits...for the next few weeks at least...

I am 99% sure that my gain was water and I was thinking to myself..."What is the quickest way to purge water weight?" I have no answer to that question, what I do have is the one thing that makes me pee a lot. I upped my protein. I mean A LOT. I eat 5 "meals" a day and I have traded out 3 of them for protein shakes. They consist of 1 cup of ice, 3/4 cup water, and one scoop protein powder. I run it though my blender bullet and voila breakfast, morning snack,lunch,afternoon snack...and sometimes afternoon snack...

Ok so apparently, I eat 6 meals a day...who knew...lol

Anyways...To recap...I tried a new protein and I changed my eating habits...Next new thing...

I went to a baseball game...A Cardinal's game to be exact...and it was two games in one week!

The first game was for "Girl Scout Night @ Busch Stadium". We got seats up in the nose bleed section for $14 a person. It was my baby girls first game and she had WAY more fun than I did. She loved having her friends there...

The second game (When the picture was taken ->), was on Friday and it was an end of the academic school year and Beta Alpha Psi (My honors frat that I am pledged this semester). It was fun to hang out with a bunch of Accounting majors where alcohol was involved. I had two things at the park. A protein shot that I carry in my purse for emergencies and a bottle of water. I am very proud of myself!

I did have an NSV tied to this baseball game adventure.

That jersey that you see me in that photo...is a mens XL. Even though it isn't buttoned in the photo it does button.

When I started the surgery a men's XXL wouldn't have buttoned. A XXXL would have fit fine.

In all the times I have tried to lose weight I have NEVER gone down a size. I am excited about this because in the past I couldn't have a team jersey because I wouldn't have found one that fit.

EXCITED!

Well....it happened...

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week’s Weight – 291.2

Today’s Weight – 293.4

Total Weight Loss – 37.2

Well, it happened...

Not completely unexpected...

I was totally stressed about my Financial Accounting and Report 1 class...

It completely ruled my life the last two weeks...

That is part of the reason why I am not upset about this gain...

I PASSED MY FINAL WITH AN A!!!!!

I officially pulled off a B in my first upper level accounting class.

The stress was worth it and I pulled it off...Granted that stress caused me to gain 2.2 pounds but I am also retaining water. I know this because my wedding ring no longer fits. So...I am hoping with a week of REALLY good choices and working out that this will resolve itself.

Until then!

I have a wonderful family...

My husband is wonderful...

I have mentioned this before...

But here is reason #101...

Today, May 12, 2013...known to most people as Mother's Day 2013, is my hubby's birthday!

Every year...Mother's Day seems to take over my poor hubby's birthday. I try really hard to keep this from happening...He is a wonderful guy and if his birthday were any other day this wouldn't be an issue. To be honest though too...Everyday is Mother's Day for me...so

Any ways on to why he is awesome...

A few months back he placed an order for a few charms for my medical alert bracelete. Well I assume it was a few since it was 40 dollars on a site that typically has $6-$7 charms....

Today we exchanged presents. I helped the kids get him some golf stuff and to my surprise there was a box with a bow on it with my name. I had expected the two presents from my Daugther. She made them at school and has been "keeping them a secret" since Friday.

What I didn't expect was this little red box. When I opened it there were three little charms.

This one is from my two year old son...it is AWESOME and I love it!

This one is from my six year old daughter, this one is very special... What is so special about this one is that not only did my husband get it for me for mothers day, or rather so my daughter could give it to me. It is a pair, it is a heart charm that has another half it says daughter...That one is now being worn by that wonderful six year old on her own little bracelet...

And that folks is why he is wonderful...

Not only does he go out of his way to try and make me have special Mother's Day on HIS birthday...but he gave a thoughtful gift to the little girl who is the original reason why I get to celebrate being a mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all my blogger friends out there. Hope yours was exactly how you wanted it...Mine was way better!

Two pokes in as many days...

So as I said yesterday...I got a fill...

It well pretty well...

Other then the drainage from my sinus infection/cold thing that just WILL NOT go away!

Anyways...I went in...and it was confirmed by my LPN that I had lost 9.4 pounds in a month. That is my highest number to date.

I laid down on the tiny table and prepared myself for the cold cold cold spray and the long needle that would plung into my belly and fill up my AWESOME band!

My LPN added 2 ccs...I have to admit I was a bit shocked by this...I had 2ccs added last time and was hoping and PRAYING that I would get like .5ccs. I did the barium swallow and everything seemed fine.

I went home and tried to drink just some water...

Well that came RIGHT back up...I called my LPN in a panic, but during the hour I had to wait for her to get back from lunch I calmed down and realized I was taking too big of a drink.

So life went on...

Until today...I couldn't eat anything today. I was having a HELL of a time even getting down even a water based protein shake. It has been 24 hours of up and down....

Today I finally had enough...I took one spoonful of overly purred turkey chili and up it came...

I called my LPN again and this time she had be come up for an unfill. She took out .5ccs.

.5 ccs may not sound like a lot, but man...when that fluid came out it was like I could breathe again!

I know that seems weird, since the band is around my stomach but...I the change was amazing...

I am almost positive that the amount of the fill was not the problem...it is the drainage from the sinus crap...but I can't stop that, I can change the fill...

Getting a fill and then an unfill in a 30 hour period is P A I N F U L! Just sayin!

19 weeks and counting

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week’s Weight – 293.4

Today’s Weight – 291.2

Total Weight Loss – 39.4

There is a common theme among the blog-o-verse. Maintenance people spout about how there is no finish line and people currently losing still have a finish line in sight.

I for one and loving the journey...I love everything I am learning about myself and my body.

It is SO hard to believe that it has already been four weeks...I am going in to see my wonderful Nurse Practitioner to see how I have done this month...and hopefully get a teeny tiny fill...I had WONDERFUL restriction after the last one but over the last two weeks it has faded away...:(!

I shall keep you posted! Until then...  

What a wonderful Monday....

I have been fighting a sinus infection since Saturday morning...I have been a little miserable ..My Dad told me he decided that this last week was a test of my endurance...I have to agree with him!

This week is already better...

My sinus infection is on its way out...

I bought a stationary exercise bike last Friday, gotta love Craigslist.com...I put it in my living room where my chair used to be...Now I don't have any excuse not to get my exercise in for the day...lol

Very happy...very sweaty me after 45 minutes on my bike watching Undercover Boss

I managed to get all my homework done over the weekend so all I have left is to study for my dreaded accounting final...

I am looking forward to Wednesday's weigh-in...Get this week of stress and illness behind me!

"No one puts baby in the corner"....

So after my depressing realization yesterday...I have to admit that I was struggling with all the negative voices in my head that were telling me that I was a failure.

Today, wasn't much better!

Three weeks ago I made an appointment with my academic adviser to get information on applying to grad school. That appointment was for today at 12:30pm on campus.

So....

Before this happened...I had emailed my douchebag of a professor to ask his advice about what I should do for the final. His response...."If you haven't figured out my test by this point in the semester, you most likely aren't going to." His next little nugget of knowledge he decided to impart on my depressed self, "Perhaps you should consider changing your declared major to something easier and accept that fact that you might not be cut out for the accounting world"

BASTARD!

Ok, so after I stopped crying after I received this e-mail I left for my advising appoint.

I strolled into the office of the worlds most greatest academic adviser and began to explain my situation...I told her about how I thought I wasn't going to do well in Financial Accounting and Report 1. I asked her what she thought I could do.

Her response?....

"Perhaps Finance would be a better major choice for you." She proceeded to tell me that if I am struggling with taking tests that perhaps being an accountant wasn't for me.

I was devastated. I cried the ENTIRE walk back to my car. Well, I didn't start crying until I called my mom to tell her what the adviser said...I couldn't even finish my first sentence. I broke down to the point where I almost couldn't breath as I moped though the parking garage.

Nothing like being told that you should rethink your dreams to put things in perspective.

So I have been thinking for the last few hours and this is what I have determined:

SCREW THE NAY SAYERS!!!!!

Not only am I not going to give up....I AM GOING TO PROVE THEM WRONG!!!!

I am going to graduate....I am going to get my Masters....I am going to be a CPA...and I am going to make my kids proud of me.

Oh yeah...and I am going to be the skinny bitch I know I have inside!

Suck it nay sayers!!!

*Depressing...you have been warned!

I know that I have talked about school in my posts. Most of it has been random mentions of the stress or simply that fact that I am a college student and a stay at home mom.

Well, that is about to change today.

I am currently a senior in the BS Accounting program at the University of Missouri: Saint Louis. I am currently a Latin honor candidate with a GPA of 3.48. I typically get A's with a few B's sprinkled here and there as the semester passes. School is fairly easy for me. I study a limited amount but excel in classes.

Well that was true until today...I just recently took a test in my Financial Accounting and Reporting 1 class and got a 53.3%. I now have a 75% with little to no hope of achieving a B.

This is depressing...I cried until my eyes couldn't cry any more...which is not something I do often. I am the type of person that looks at a half glass of water and says that it is all full...half water, half air....But I think this is a hopeless cause.

I am NOT going to pass this class. Well, I will most likely pass with a C or a C-. Which to normal people who are NOT in the Accounting Program at UMSL that is fine...But with my plans and at my school this prohibits me from moving forward with my degree. I can't move on to my other accounting classes unless I have an "Accounting GPA" of 2.3. Well a C or a C- will give me a 2.0 or 1.7 respectively.

I have never in my life felt so defeated...I just don't know how I am going to pull this off this semester. I just want to give up, change my major, give up all together

I need to spend all of my time studying for accounting, but I can't sacrifice my other classes to do that. I can't sacrifice my children to do that, or my diet/activity...I only have ten days....I need a miracle!

Oh dear Lord....To top it off I have blisters on the bottom of my feet....

Apparently my feet are too small for my skin tight shoes...Pain I tell you!

ok I am done with my depressing day....tomorrow will be a better day!

Progress...18 weeks since surgery!

Beginning Weight (12/20/2012)- 330.6

Last Week’s Weight – 294.0

Today’s Weight – 293.4

Total Weight Loss – 37.2

I WILL TOTALLY TAKE IT!!!!!

I just noticed today that I have recorded a loss every week for seven weeks in a row now!

Despite the goal I announced a few days ago, I haven't been fantastic on my diet or with my exercise...Since I made the decision that I WILL fit on that danged roller coaster I have been good and I have gotten activity. My carbs were a bit high yesterday but all in all I was pretty good!

I have a field trip with my daughter's kindergarten class today....Should be fun!